December 16th:  My primary intention for my new life post 32 years at Horizons is to create the life I want by imagining it, and allowing it to emerge by reaching for the knowing that it will, reaching for the feeling that I already have it.

I’ve also told myself repeatedly that I will act only out of inspiration and not out of motivation (see previous entry entitled Inspiration vs. Motivation) and that includes not doing things out of fear or guilt.  I will do things that “fit” for me and that feel good to me and my faith says that what I want will begin to emerge.  Ask and it is given.  I have no set idea of how or when or who or what.  I’ll let the Universe deliver just the right thing and it is really an interesting ride waiting for the next thing to appear.

My blog was an inspiration which has been very satisfying to create and I’d like to announce that a new car has manifested for me!  Yes it has.  It’s not like the fairies brought it in one night and set it down for me.  It was the opportunity that emerged and I acted.

My daughter was in a relatively minor car accident in her father’s old subaru.  She was fine but the car was too banged up to be fixed.  So her dad bought my car and with the money from that exchange I am leasing a new Hyundai Genesis Coupe.  It is a car I have been imagining for years…very sporty, 6 speed manual transmission, sun roof, XM radio, premium sound system, gangsta wheels.  I’m in love.

This tangible dream coming true is just on time.   The dream wasn’t birthed as smoothly as I would have liked.   In retrospect, I felt about getting the car like I felt before I began publishing the blog.  It’s what I really wanted to do and I was very anxious about it to the point of feeling physically ill. 

Now I know that those feelings arise out of “do I really deserve to get what I want?”  “What will other people think?”  Even looking at these questions now they seem ridiculous but at the time they sure had some clout. 

How easy it is to talk ourselves out of our dreams, to discard, to run from them as if they were an unwanted lover.

I’m glad I didn’t run.  I just won’t let myself now.  I know too much.

With Love, Connie