November 15, 2010:  Help, My Vortex is Slippery!

In and out…in and out…in and out.  And not sexy!!  This was just one of those days.  Being a highly sensitive person means that when my energy isn’t aligned, I feel miserable.  Hateful.  Until Abraham (see side panel) I used to think my emotions meant something deep.  In fact I spent many years in therapy learning about what they meant.  That’s not to say therapy doesn’t have a place but after so much of it and after meeting Abraham, it’s finally sunk in that negative feelings, no matter what they are or where they came from or who triggered them and why, it all boils down to the fact that they are my indication that the Source part of me is seeing things different from how physical me or mini me is seeing them…period.

That’s it.  That’s all.  It doesn’t matter where they came from, really, it just means that I’m out of whack with the larger Source me.  So today when I woke up feeling shitty…and I’d gone to bed feeling shitty…I did remember that.  OMG.  The Source me is seeing the world with total eyes of love and I’m in the crapper…makes for a disturbance in the Force.  I feel horrible when that happens!

So I  journaled and actually expanded into the Source energy I was feeling and felt great for about an hour, then back to the crapper.  I walked the dog, listened to some Abraham on CD’s and felt better again.  Took a nap and then woke up feeling jolted and back in the crapper.  In and out…in and out.  Until the sun was setting and I was appreciative that the day was done and I felt on the glide path to bed.

The crappy part of me was afraid.  I was afraid my dreams were not going to materialize after all and I felt afraid that I was just going to be old and alone…end of story…oh, and brok too.  Even as I write this I can feel how pathetic it is and I don’t even believe it now but give me another couple of hours and I just may be there again.

Now let’s just get some perspective.   I have come an awfully long way and I do acknowledge that.  And since the brilliant idea came to me about what I could do with my life, it has only been about three months…Jesus, that’s probably just about one good inhale and exhale for Abraham.  And when I am sturdily in the Vortex of alignment, that place where all of my dreams are vibrationally being held for me until my physical self can vibrationally get up to speed with them and they can manifest, I know I am okay and that my future is assured and this chapter IV of my life is definitely the best yet.]

Jane Fonda was on Oprah a couple of weeks ago and she said that she was in her third act and she was having a great time and she’s 71.  Lookin’ really good too but has the benefit of a lot of help.  So I’m 64 as of last week and I call it my Act IV.  Of course Jane and I are quite close…peas in a pod.  Right.  But truly more and more of us…that being women in later years who have decided that they are in their prime whatever the age!

Oops.  I digress.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have gotten my grove back and will arrive sturdily in my Vortex in the not too distant future.  Abraham did tell me personally to bless my fear because it is telling me I’m not in the Vortex.  It’s my guidance.  Today I just wish I could dull now my guidance.  Wine might do the trick as well!

I do remember that negative feelings, or contrast, is also the way I expand.  My Source is out ahead of me and when I catch up, my energy literally expands to come into alignment with my divinity.  That absolutely will happen and when it does…well, there’s a high worth waiting for!  That’s why we came here to begin with…to feel that high that we call life!

With love, Connie