September 16th, 2010:  Horsethief Lake Lost

I found the perfect campsite.  I mean the campsite of my dreams.  Picture a small pristine lake nestled in the Black Hills.  It’s late in the season and I enter a loop of campsites and the first one is about 20 feet from the lake in this grove of pine trees that look so perfect as if they have been washed and scrubbed.  It was a sunny cool crisp afternoon.  I noticed that I was in a secluded cove to boot and was so excited about my good fortune that I was giddy, thanking Source for such wonderful guidance,blah, blah.  I’m gratefully unpacking and was about halfway done still giddy when the nice man in his truck comes to tell me that I must leave and that the park has closed.  WHAT???   I just stare at him in disbelief.  Have you ever had your care stolen and kept looking at the spot you left it in expecting it to materialize.

That’s what I did with this man…just kept looking at him because of course he was out of his mind nuts!  I begged him…sorry lady.  I said just make an exception.  No and if you don’t leave you’ll be locked in here til next spring!    Ha, Ha.  Fuck you mister!  So I had to put everything back into my car not believing yet it was true and not wanting to let go.  God Damn!  I was trying not to cry and as I left the campsite to drive to an obviously inferior one from the PERFECT ONE, I still could not let go.

But I got to the acceptable one, pitched camp on a lake…not as good but I had switched gears and feeling better.  Then when I went to do my evening meditation I just had something stuck in my craw and I could not make that Source connection which is always so wonderful.  So good, now I’ve lost the campsite and connection with Source too.  Wait a minute.

I know better.  I was trying too hard to feel something I just wasn’t feeling and when I let myself feel what I was truly feeling it was…..it was…it was….yes it was anger.  I was pissed off still and  by God I wanted to be pissed off.  It felt damn good to be pissed of and so I let myself be pissed off and pretty soon I was feeling so good at feeling pissed off that I began to just expand that feeling and that pissed off feeling expanded into power and now I was cookin’.  I loved that feeling of power and thought about how many times I have let it go because it wasn’t right blah, blah, and now allowed the feeling of power to fill me.  Anger is power at times and better than feeling victimized which WAS my feeling of choice.   I AM Source Energy after all and that is power!! 

Because I was feeling so good at having recovered a piece of me that felt so good I actually could be appreciative of the loss of my perfect campsite and bless the loss because look what I got?!  Much more that a campsite!

From Buffalo Wyoming the Journey continues with love, Connie