July 13, 2010:  Clarity in the Vortex

When our daughter was an infant I implemented probably my most important parenting policy.  I decided that I would make important parenting decisions only from a place of feeling good.  I would not make decisions from a place of guilt…like when to stop breast feeding, when to keep her in her own bed.  I would not make those decisions because I was wondering about what others would think or if I were a bad parent.  These decisions were too important to make from a place of neurotic guilt.  I was clear about that. 

That policy stuck with me and served us both well.  Now it helps me to stay clear of her stuggles to become an adult and keep my mouth shut knowing that she is an amazing spirit who will definitely find her way.

If only I could be as respectful to myself.  It is clear I need to implement that policy with myself.  For the past several days I have been in and out of my Vortex, that place of joy and well being.  (See Abraham on the side panel for wonderful Vortex information.)  I’m encouraged because I am feeling really good more of the time.  Compared with last year at this time….well there just isn’t any comparison.  

I’ve been wrestling with doubt about my future, i.e., will I really get what I’m wanting, will I have the money I need, will I have something to work at that brings me joy?  This is really a slippery slope and I’ve been focusing on not allowing those thoughts too much air time.  But knowing also that pushing against them is not a solution either I let myself really have some stored up tears.

As a side bar I can’t cry with the gusto I once had.  I’m amused to say that.  When I really go the to “ugly cry” as Oprah would say, something interal holds me from the inside and I break out into a yawn instead.  Now I know enough to know that it is my Inner Being “catching” me as it were.  I’ve grown enough that vibrationally I’m just not a match for that kind of crying out of self doubt.  It is as if my body will not allow me to betray myself.

So after I allowed some tears I did feel a bit soothed and this morning I woke and felt such clarity in the knowing that where I am in my process is just so perfect.  I’m doing such important work this summer with the continuing of letting go of old beliefs and replacing them with new ones.   And most of all focusing myself into ever better feeling places.

One thing I have decided is that it is just so stupid, really, to put much credibility in my doubts because when I’m in the Vortex, I have no doubts and know that all is well.  So I can cry to get past a bump knowing that it’s temporary and when I’m feeling better I will not be doubting.  It is like I did with my daughter…I will not make any stupid conclusions about my future when I’m simply not feeling well.  That’s crazy!  It sounds so simple and, well, duh, writing it down but it was an ah-Ha moment for me.

Just think of the hurt we can cause others when we say or do important things to them from a position of not feeling good that we would never do if we were feeling clear and loving and we blame the other for our feelings.  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

But it’s all good.  We can’t get it wrong and we will never get it done.  With Love, Connie