April 1st, 2010:  Making the Decision

Two days ago I absolutely felt like crap.  B.by the time I’d reached my therapy appointment that day I was feeling better.  That’s the good news.  The bad news was that after therapy I was REALLY feeling like crap.

So what’s that?  I knew.   Abraham (see side panel) says that our emotions are our guidance telling us if we are on track or not.  If we feel good then all is well.  If we are experiencing negative emotions it means that the Source within us does not see us in that moment the way that our physical self is seeing us. 

I had let something I heard coming from someone else’s mouth dictate my feelings about me.   You see the content isn’t important, the scene isn’t important.   The results are that I allow something outside of me to tell me who I am.  In this case it’s someone close to me.  This is when we are put to the test.  Can we hold our spiritual/emotional ground in love when our addictive chemical patterns want to carry us to somewhere ugly.  I had come to a watershed.  I was absolutely fed up with what I had done to myself.  It was unattractive to say the least and abusive to say the most and I felt DONE with it.  Enough already!

I made a decision yesterday.  I’ve made many decisions before on different levels but this one feels like an absolutely base line decision for me.  I’m going to know what I know about me , own it, and this is the challenging part, stay focused on what I know to be true about me even in the face of my own pull to self sabotage.

Sometimes its so easy to give in to the feelings of self doubt, victimization, whatever.  I’m not doing that any longer.  I know I will have to re decide and re decide and re decide but after awhile I will have a different belief about myself.  I know this because I have done it on other things.  I’ve developed new beliefs that have changed the way I see myself and the world around me. 

So I can make this very pivotal new decision which is a door to freedom.  I alone can decide who I am.  No one else knows me like I know me.  No one else knows my particular reality but me.  No one else knows why I do things the way I do or make the decisions I make but me.

I’m going to know what I know about me and step more fully into that energy.  It is powerful and when I speak of it I feel good and so I know that my Source or my Inner Being is agreeing with me.  Yes.  It’s time. I’m feeling good enough about myself that feeling ugly just doesn’t get it anymore.  Way last year’s news.

It’s a beautiful day here in Milwaukee.  I cannot get my Harley out of it’s winter quarters for two weeks!  I shall survive. 

With Love, Connie