February 14th, 2010:  Valentine’s Day Revenge

I didn’t plan to want to take revenge today.  But most feelings are not planned. 

It all started at an indoor bike show yesterday.  Looking at custom bikes I ran into a friend who actually sold me my beautiful Sportster.  We chatted awhile and afterwards I noticed I really didn’t feel good.  I just couldn’t shake feelings of “being stopped” is the best way to say it.  Being stopped and feeling inadequate, shamed.  Didn’t feel good and I was irritated because I had been just feeling so great.  But I went on with my day.

This morning came and with it the same negative feelings.  But morning waking also has a portal present which is a space between sleep and wakefulness through which insights can flow.  I’ve had some of my greatest insights and ideas in the shower.  Anyway, along with remembering yesterday I also got glimpses of other situations where I’d felt similar negative emotions and they were all connected to men.  Bingo!  I’m really steaming mad and the tears just bust through.

But this time I also know that negative emotion is the stuff of creation of something more wanted and feeling much better and I decided to use Abraham”s (see side bar) emotional scale.  Emotions run the continuum from anger, grief and depression all the way up to love and joy.  You can’t go from anger to joy in one move but you can move up the scale to revenge.  Revenge feels much better than anger because there is a sense of power and control.  Now hopefully you won’t act on your revenge and you won’t even be in revenge mode too long but it does feel better than feeling angry and victimized.  Also, once you’ve moved to revenge you are on your way up the scale.  Really this does work.

So, feeling very justified I locked all my perps up, in my mind of course.  I concocted a great plan for them and it did help me feel a good deal better than feeling victimized…which is so unattractive to me.  I may stay in revenge mode until tomorrow or I may move on to just being angry later today and then from anger I can move to frustration and from frustration to hope.  Once I’ve hit hope then it’s an easier ride to belief and then to joy and love.

We do have control of our feelings.  No one else is responsible for them.  Most of us just don’t have practice with using tools to help.  Not to mention that we live in a very blaming culture.  I love the emotional scale.  It can be a powerful tool.

So that’s my Valentine’s Day present.  Get on your way to love, Connie