February 7th, 2010:  Muchas Gracias, Universe

Before I knew what had happened I felt myself falling.  It was slow motion.  I couldn’t move my feet and I was going over, down, down and bam, hit the rug.  I looked up at the dogs and my daughter sitting on the couch.  She said, “are you all right?”  I said “yes, but damn what happened?”  As I got up to sit on the couch I couldnt help but feeling like an old woman who you could blow over with a slight gust of air.  I was vertical and then on the floor.   Favorite daughter Meredith pointed out that I had bent back her laptop screen and it wouldn’t close.  Evidently I had unknowingly grabbed for something on my way down and it had been the $2,700 laptop.  Jesus!  Plus the number 9 key had come off as well.

Of course I immediately asked myself what this was about.   I create my own reality…nothing is an accident and this was really jarring.  What is being said to me?  But this wasn’t the time and Meredith was not the person to engage with on the subject.  We clearly had to get the laptop to the emergency room, and so it was.

I had been feeling rather anxious for a few days.  Frustratingly so and I couldn’t put my finger on it.  This morning I woke and had a thought that I should do a focus wheel (look to a previous entry on the how-to’s of focus wheels) on feeling more connected to my inner self, my inner Connie.  As I began doing the writing I knew right away that this was pay dirt because I was feeling  soothed right away with the idea of connecting with little Connie.  I had been doing so much focussing on understanding that the greater part of me is Source Energy and feeling powerful in that knowing that somehow I had left the physical Connie behind and was feeling unbalanced.

As I said when I began looking and focussing on loving the physical me and giving tender attention to the me inside that needed some direct attention, mothering if you will, I had a bolt of insight.  I had a vivid flashback to me falling on the floor yesterday in front of my daughter and injuring her most prescious piece of communication and I understood that it was a metaphor of my own disconnection with myself and not communicating with my own child within.   

Besides that’s sexier than feeling like a nursing home patient tripping over a dust ball in the hall way of “the home”.     And if anyone out there can connect the #9 key coming off let me know.  That one has me stumped.

I just love guidance.  At a time when I needed some affirmation that the Universe does indeed have my back, I got it.  Muchas Gracias, Universe!

With Love, Connie