February 2nd, 2010:  My Bad Phoenix Self

Yesterday really was the worst day I’ve had in a long time.  Even when I went to bed I was still feeling crappy.  This morning I felt teary, angry and blank.  Thank God it’s therapy day.  So I started to do a focus wheel.  Check back and see how to do a focus wheel in a previous entry.  I swear by them.  I began writing and I remembered that when I was feeling so wonderful and free last week I really do think that this is the way we intended to feel.  I truly believe that freedom and joy are our natural states but we get pulled away so early in life by the people around us who want us to make them happy.  I thought about the strength of all of us who agree to come here to this wonderful planet and we all endure being pulled away from who we are and how strong we all are to come and to journey.

Perhaps in another 100 years our parenting and schools will be more tune with the individual needs of each tiny being and that they are not here to make us happy nor should we expect them to conform to so many external expectations.  But I digress…

This morning I was just thinking about the strength of spirit and then I remembered that the greater part of me is non-physical energy, Source energy, with some of that energy focused in the physical body that is me.  I got a sense of my strength and it resonated in me that this strength and power is the God Force in me.  When I allowed that to settle in I felt SO GOOD!  Any sense of doubt about my path, my worthiness evaporated.  Gone!  And I felt great all day.

Plus, I put in for more Oprah tickets.  If you remember I put in for Oprah tickets a couple of weeks ago only to get them, fuck up and lose them.  So I’m on this ticket thing like white on rice.  I have a good feeling.  I am God Force after all.  I’ll nail those babies.  I barely saw the notice…those ticket people are sneeky.  There was just this little blip and only a few hours to respond!  Sneeky.  I should know soon. 

Remember feeling good is your most important job in creating the life you want!

With love, Connie