January 10, 2010:  We’re All Doing Time

Most of us are in prison…doing time.   And when our lives are thrown into upheaval for whatever reason…illness, death of a loved one, loss of a job…we have a chance to escape.  The prison walls have become shakey and we can see light if we can look.

That’s how I feel about my job loss are resulting emotional meltdown.  I’m grateful for the chance to become more free.

My morning wake ups have gone from fearful and tearful every day to only occasionally and when I do have a tearful morning I am genuinely curious about what there is to learn because it never fails to come.  The other morning I woke up frightened and empty.  Rumi, the wonderful poet actually said something like this.   He said, “I wake frightened and empty.  It’s not for humans to see the distances.  There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”  I feel so good to be in such esteemed company.  If Rumi’s scared, I can be too.

In thanking the ground I find my freedom.  The ground is here and now.  Sometimes I have this tension in my body.  It’s as if I’m completely covered in a heavy wool army blanket and I must hold up my arms straight out in front of me to see the light and to see where I am going.  And I can’t put my arms down even though they are tired because I won’t be able to see.  I don’t have choice, it’s a survival issue.

But I can put down that heavy dark musty blanket.  It’s not for humans to see the distances.  My Inner Being, my Source knows where I’m going so I don’t have to take on that job and can just kneel and kiss the ground.  Putting down that burden of having to know when I can’t know anyway feels like freedom to me.  I don’t have to take “reality” so seriously.  I can trust that the Universe has my back. 

And my power is in the present moment.  I can reel in the parts of me that have gone on a scouting expedition into the future and reel in other parts of me that I’ve left beating the drum of what has gone wrong or what was and I can feel all of me now.  As I do that I feel more clear eyed and crisp and whole.

With Love, Connie