December 30th, 2009:  Making Peace With Where I Am

Patience is not a virtue of mine.  That has been a strength and a challenge.  Having a child rounded some impatient edges.  It was either that or go to prison for child abuse.  Being impatient was sometimes good while being an executive director of an agency.  I could facilitate getting things done NOW if that was needed.  But in retrospect the getting things done NOW was probably my sometimes desperate attempt to give myself the illusion of control in a system with far to many moving parts to have any kind of control.

So, it’s nearly 2010 and while I’ve come a long way since last summer and I have begun this tome which has helped me (and I hope someone out there too) and I know 2010 will be amazing but I would like more evidence of things to come, evidence of things unseen.

I was listening to Abraham (see side bar) on a CD this morning and was reminded that if I’m not where I want to be it’s because of my own resistance, my resistant vibration.  Sometimes, like now, I can actually feel the resistance and it feels like I’m not ready yet for whatever and that I am, actually, doing the most I can for myself right now.  But is it enough?

And that is where I get in my own way because of course it is enough or I would not be here.  Of course it is enough because it’s all that I have.  And I am also reminded by my teachers that in order to release resistance I must make peace with where I am.   When I make peace with where I am I’m in a position to allow the next step.  If I’m not at peace with where I am I’m in a state of vibrational resistance, a wad.  I’m not going anywhere but wadding.  And that’s how it feels…wadding.

One way to make peace with where I am is to make a list of positive aspects of where I am and all that I have done.  That is very powerful and I will do that tonight.  Just get your journal or a piece of paper and list everything positive about your present reality and then make a list of everything you have done in a past specified block of time that is positive.  It may take a while but I promise you the lists are there.  Positive aspects are always relative.  A positive aspect for me may not be what would work for someone else.  Depending on one’s state of mind a positive aspect would be that I got out of bed.  For someone else it may mean I took a trip.  It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s what it feels like and that is a very individual thing.

I need to remind myself over and over and over to make peace, make peace, make peace and it’s well worth the reminder because every time I do it, I feel better, the wad relaxes, and energy flows.

With Love, Connie