Vision Keeping

May 15th, 2010:  I BE

Hello, my name is BlahBlahBlah.  I’m from Tasmania.  What do you do?  Isn’t this the way of most conversations when you are first getting to know someone.  We try to get a bead on someone so we ask where they live and then what is it that they do?  It’s also a way to make casual conversation and grease the social cogs.  Thank God for alcohol.  Now there’s a real social lubricant.

At my Abrahamsters group last Friday evening we had a discussion about that very thing.  Since I was the new kid on the block I explained my current circumstances of journeying into my heart and finding confidence living in my own skin without any labels around me.  One woman suggested that if someone asks me what I do to just reply I BE.  I really like that but I don’t know if I will say it in just that way.

Our culture, the American culture, does not give kudos to lack of employment.  In fact all of our awards and accolades are given to people who have succeeded, meaning gotten a graduate degree while being a quadriplegic and then gone onto creating their own company and running it from a wheelchair hooked up to a respirator, all while managing being a single parent of 3 children under the age of 5 and being the foster parent of 2 special needs children.  Now that’s success.  And really I’m not far off.

Not that people cannot be genuinely inspired to do amazing things but I use the word inspired, not driven, not proving anything, not compensating…simply inspired to “do” because wild horses could not stop them from doing.  And those people are usually not in the spotlight and don’t want to be.

I consider my biggest success in life to date is finding joy in being, like sitting in my bed in the morning feeling Source energy raising my energy bit by bit until I am floating on a cloud that feels so lovely or watching a man feeding the gulls this morning by the river across the street from where I live.  The gulls were swarming and diving and it is a beautiful day here and I was sitting in the sun just soaking everything in and feeling all is well in the world.

I don’t mind saying that it has taken great courage to separate myself from the reality I perceive all around me and to follow my own path.  As I find the joy that I believed was waiting for me, or I would not have embarked on this course, I am more and more comfortable and confident with my path.  As Abraham says, the better it gets the better it gets.

Having my new community (I manifested a community) support me on my path was incredibly affirming for me.  I didn’t realize how much that support meant until the days afterward when I felt stronger within somehow.  More confident.   “When two or more are gathered together….”

I think of my friend from Sydney Australia who, at 40 something just up and quit his job as a structural engineer.  Not because he was unhappy.  He liked his job very much.  Not because he wanted another job.  Not because he wanted to live somewhere else.  But because he just wanted to, as he says, be on holiday permanently and live his faith that if he is following his heart then the Universe will take care of him.  He is one of the most loving people I know.  His face radiates joyfulness and love.  He won’t get a placque or an award for this.  His family and most of his friends think he has gone ’round the bend.  He’s my hero.  John, I love you.

And to you, with love, I BE…….Connie

May 14th, 2010:  The Abrahamsters

I fantasized about living a peaceful contemplative life of a monk in the not too distant past.  Then when my working world came to an end I longed for community, my community.  I really didn’t have another.  Small family.  No church.  No interest groups.  Estranged neighborhood.  The closest thing I’ve had to a community are the cruises I go on with the “Abrahamsters.”  (Friends of Abraham-see side panel.)

So, when I got a message that there was a Law of Attraction group in Waukesha, about 30 minutes from downtown Milwaukee, I signed on.  Tonight was my first night.  I just got home.  All I can say is I have found my people…or at least some of them.  I felt easy connection and great conversation and wonderful energy.  We meet twice a month, there are as many as 80 members and they have been a group for three years!

It was nice to go somewhere where you are reasonable assured that you will be taken in and welcomed.  I was a bit afraid to make the plunge, it disrupts my tranquil evening routine, but I knew this was important and I was ready.  For sure 6 months ago, disrupting a routine was not something I wanted to screw with…repercussions.  But now it’s time to get out there.

I feel a new energy, new interests and just things percolating on different levels.  I must remain true to my promise to myself…that whatever I do I will be inspired from the inside and not motivated from the outside.  I have vowed to live an authentic life, my own life and it may not look like any one else”s but that’s okay.  It’s mine.

So, tomorrow is Saturday and if all goes according to plan I will be going to my first bike, as in motorcycle, show of the season.  I love to bike in and be a part of the loud roar of the parking bikes and roam around looking at the bikes being shown.  There is a band, a loud band, and and lots of beer and bar-b-que.  I cannot see how anyone can take in alcohol and ride a motorcycle, especially willing to take someone on as a passenger.  The ride of death.  Lord have mercy.

So, I’m going to be in another kind of community tomorrow, but a different sort.  I may not know anyone, and still the energy can ramp up from the beauty and the noise of an amazing machine!  And everything is about the energy…doesn’t matter where it comes from.

Ride loud, ride proud!  Love, Connie

May 11th, 2010:  Is Anyone Home?

Do you know what it means to be fully present and in your body?  Have you ever been with someone who seems to have their lights on but no one is home.  A pronounced example of that is someone who is using drugs or alcohol.  They may be physically there but but no emotionally present.  Aside from that we’ve all had the experience with being with someone who clearly has their mind elsewhere.  The experience is anything from annoying to lonely to triggering an anxiety attack.

Have you ever felt absent mentally or emotionally when someone is talking to you?  Either because you are anxious about something else that has your attention or you have strong emotional issues with the person talking which prevent you from being fully present.

There are degrees of being emotionally present.  It’s not as if it’s an either or…it’s on a continuum.  Sometimes we are so used to being present in the world in a certain way that we aren’t aware of not being fully present.

I’m becoming more conscious of how I am not fully present in my life because I’m definitely finding out what it feels like to BE fully present.

More and more for me I feel fully present, fully me when I’m in the Vortex, aligned with who I truly am, feeling the source energy blending with my mental energy into one being.  According to Abraham (see side panel) that is a fully blended being.  But it is a different story when I’m with someone else.

When I was with my therapist yesterday, I had a very interesting discovery of how easily I exit from a situaltion or pull back from the present moment.  It happens easily and had mostly happened at an unconscious level.  But yesterday was a watershed moment for me because I don’t think I can ever disappear energetically from a situation so easily at an unconsious level again. 

I’m so glad I have this time off.  It does take focus to remain present.  And not that remaining present is the gold standard.  There are times when not being present may be of greater benefit.  But to have that choice is critical…to decide whether or not we are going to be present.  It does take practice being present.

This brings so much to light for me.  It explains why I need so much alone time.  I find it hard to be people and not fully present for long periods of time.  It explains why I could feel really present and then go to work and lose myself very quickly.  The moment of possible stress with another appeared, I was gone.

I love feeling present.  There is so much clarity and energy and understanding and joy and love in the moment of being present.  Being fully present with someone is the most precious gift you can give another person.

I want that in a partner and yet was afraid that I would not be able to pull it off myself.  Now that I’ve got a handle on the rascal, I think I’m closer to being the kind of person I want to be with.  And because of Law of Attraction if I can BE it I can attract it.

I must say it can take courage to be present and speak your heart.  I don’t have to do that ALL the time but I want to be able to do it if I choose to do it.

Being present requires the breath.  I breathe myself into the present moment.

With love, Connie

May 10th, 2010:  A New Frontier

I’m looking to a new territory and it seems vast from here but I’m dramatic.  I’m looking to a new way of being, a new frontier.  New in the sense of going where no Connie has ever been before.  Cue the music.

For the past few days I feel like I’ve been teetering between feeling great and feeling teary/depressed/afraid.  I know too much now to cave to the negativity and I’ve been able to focus pretty much on staying in a positive state.  Good for me.  But I’ve been having a growing feeling of being on the verge of big movement into an unknown place.  A place where I feel more expansive and free and a place where I will continue to expand in order to bring what I want into my life.   So, what’s my hesitation?  Just go Girl, go!

Going to this new place requires me to shed the skin of caring about what other people think about me.  And that may sound strange in the ears of anyone who knows me because I always have had a nonconformist streak.  But the fear of what someone may think of me is not a particularly rational one.  It is probably of preverbal origins.

This reminds me of women at the agency where I worked for 32 years.  These were women involved in the criminal justice system.  It was common for a woman to believe that her incarceration had no effect on her baby, or her drug use, or the domestic violence, had no effect on her children because they are too little to remember it.  Ouch! 

Actually the most formative years of our lives are birth to three years of age.  Those are the most critical years in terms of healthy development, hands down.  There are just some concepts and ideas and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us that are recorded deeply into what is called the reptilian brain.   It is the most primitive part of our brains and the one that records the earliest data.   One famous family therapist said we don’t respond to our family’s with any kind of logic or reasoning, we just twitch to them like reptiles.  You get the picture.

So, when I face a new Frontier of Being, breathing past some anxiety I can’t even name is in the process.  But what I know over rides any fear.  And what I know is that I can’t NOT go.  It defies who I am.  So what do I need to go to a new frontier.  I’ll need a compass, some support, great self care which primarily includes shedding the self judgements and the I can’ts.  And the new frontier feels like freedom, more freedom than I have known to date.  What I DO need to do is breathe and breathe deeply. 

With Love, Connie

May 7th, 2010:  Remembering What I Know

It was raining frogs this morning.  Gloomy.  Cold.  I feel my brain still wired for tears and I want to cry but mostly I know it’s a dead end to start the water works and more than that the tears tend to acquire a life of their own.  I try to steer myself away from tears unless it’s a must do. 

In this case I make the usual coffee, and, God, that tastes good.  I begin a focus wheel to shift my vibration up to feeling better.   A focus wheel refresher….I have a large piece of blank paper and draw a large circle in the middle.  I begin at about 1:00 and write a sentence about how I’m feeling right now that sucks.  So I write I’m feeling depressed, teary and lonely. 

Then, and this is a really important step, in circle in the middle of the paper I write what I want to feel.  Everything has two components, that which is wanted and that which is NOT wanted.  So in the circle I write I feel wonderful in the knowing that the Universe has my back and that everything that comes to me is timed in a perfect way.  I feel so safe in the knowing the perfection of the arrival of what I want but also the perfection of any contrast (negativity) that I’m feeling.

Then having established those two points of what is wanted and what is not wanted I begin at 2:00 and proceed around the “clock” writing statements that come closer and closer to the middle statement.  It’s important that these statements are accurate vibrations of what you are saying or the whole exercise is bogus.

So, I begin with “I often have periods of doubting or feeling depressed but they don’t last long.”  Great, now for 3:00 – “I know that these periods are coming with less intensity and I have more and more confidence that I can focus myself into feeling better.”   And so on…I know that every time I’ve felt depressed and then feel better I learn important things about myself.  “I’m always struck by the perfect timing of what occurs to me.”  “I ask for guidance and guidance always comes to me.”  Do as many statements that you want until you reach the feeling of the circle statement.

I use the focus wheel nearly every morning to ramp up my energy.  Even when I’m feeling fairly good I can always feel better and it’s an excellent practice to focus.  Focusing is the key tool in creating what you want in your life.

It’s so good to remember what I know.  It has swerved the bus away from the cliff a number of times lately.

With Love, Connie

May 6, 2010:  The Next Logical Step

Abraham (see side panel) says that when changes come to your life and you are living in the Vortex, they just seem like the next logical step.  Not an action…this herculean effort to produce something…but allowing something, the next logical step to emerge.  I’ve seen the next logical step for me and I’m really pleased.

For so long I couldn’t see the next logical step because I was just trying to stand up again.  To get on my feet, to even want to do a next logical step.  I didn’t feel like doing anything and nothing was emerging on my radar screen.  It was a waiting period.  But just now after the check that wasn’t a check happened (look at previous entry) I see the next logical step taking shape. 

 And it is a “taking shape” rather than an event.  A taking shape.  Going on the road trip to the Grand Canyon has ignited my interest.  I imagine being at the North Rim and maybe camping somewhere, driving through northern New Mexico, walking the streets of Santa Fe, planning what to take, gathering lots of information about what and where to see natures wonders.

At the same time my friend and I continue to meet about putting my creating-your-own-reality curriculum fully on paper.  I’ve been talking about much of it here over the past weeks and months.  A lot of the curriculum is Abraham, some of it is me, some of it is Louise Hay.  It’s a curriculum I began using at my work place with staff and then with consumers.  It was a joy for me to teach.

Then my life changed drastically and I found myself actually needing the very same curriculum to help me create the life I want.  That’s what it is about and now I needed to put my money where my mouth had been…big time.  Well, I’ve been doing it.  That’s largely what the purpose of this website has been….to write about creating my new life.  And it’s coming.

So back to writing the curriculum.  I’ve changed it so much, re thought it and finally I realized that I could not write it like other curriculae.  Abraham says that you cannot download learning, that you learn through experience.  You don’t learn from absorbing data, you learn organically from doing.  That’s the most powerful and important kind of learning.  You can learn how to put a table together by reading instructions but people are a bit more complicated.

I had been planning to write the curriculum in sections oulining what would be “taught” during each of the 8 sessions.  But then it dawned on me that if I were going to write this curriculum with the integrity it deserves that I”m going to write it as I lived it, weaving my own path over the past year with each of the teaching points.   Add some references and worksheets with each chapter and I think it will live.

So, breathing life into my writing as well as breathing life into my traveling has opened up the next moves for me.  New directions are coming from a life that was best described as getting my wind back again.  Now I can begin to set sail.   And as I promised myself, I would not “do” anything that I didn’t feel inspired to do from the inside.  This is not a should or a filling time but a genuine calling from me to me.  And because of that I can trust that it will lead to the next thing and the next thing and the next.  Living life from the heart with joy.  It SO feels good.

With Love, Connie

May 2nd, 2010:  More than a Check

There was a knock on my door, I thought.  Dudie thought so too but when I looked out there was no one there.  When we left I noted a Fed Ex envelope on the floor by the door.  I grabbed in on my way out and when I got to my car I opened the envelope.  Inside there was just a check made out to me for over $3,000 and nothing else.  It was from a place in California.  Strange but fun!

I looked this place up on line and there was  phone number that I called.  An Asian man answered and we were having trouble communicating but I did get that he wanted me to call back when the accountant was in.

Something didn’t feel right in my belly.  I didn’t want to have to struggle to give this money back.  Something (besides greed) told me to just bank it and wait and see.  So I did.  I didn’t record the deposit on my check log so it was hidden and I could easily give it back?

What was this?  I really had no idea but I know that nothing is an accident so I just planned to enjoy and let it be what it was for the time being.  I really liked the idea of the Universe just sending me a check, especially from out of nowhere.

In the next couple of days I was thinking about the money and I had an idea which excited me.  I wanted to take a road trip with Dudie (bff dog) down through Colorado into Utah and then Arizona to see the Grand Canyon.  I’ve never been.  Then I would go back home through New Mexico which I love, through Santa Fe which I love and then across the corner of Colorado and across Kansas, my home state, visit a friend, see Abraham in Kansas City and come home.  Wow.  The money would be enough.  I was psyched and felt the strong pull to do this…like my own personal outback kind of thing.  Maybe I would do some camping.  It was sounding better all the time.

Last night I was going through a bunch of mail.  There was what I thought was my bank statement.  I casually opened it and learned that the “my” check had been “returned to maker”.  I don’t know how this is possible but I will find out.  I would have given the money back but I didn’t think that they could just go into my bank account and take money after a deposit.  Interesting.

I really wasn’t that upset.  I really didn’t think that the money was mine but my impluse was to see it played out.  I was disappointed initially at thinking the Universe had sent me this great gift and then took it back.  But was the gift really the money?

No, I don’t think so.  I think the gift was the idea for the road trip.   I’m certain I would not have thought of that trip without the check being there prodding me to spend it.

So the Universe did give me a gift.  It was there for me.  I had such an impulse to deposit the check and then the pull for this trip is great as well.  I will follow my guidance.  Can’t do much better than that!  Having the money “go away” and knowing it gave me the idea for the trip really made the gift seem even more special to me.  Yea!

With Love, Connie

April 30th, 2010:  Keeping On

It’s evening.  I don’t usually write in the evening but I wanted to.  Earlier today I helped a neighbor get his sick cat to the Vet.  He was visably upset and clearly needed some support and I was glad to give it.  3 hours later when we were finally on our way home and the sky looked yukky and the weather was curiously warm and I was feeling so tight in my jeans and the Vortex spit me out.

What I do know about being spit out of that good feeling place is that I am feeling what is called contrast.  Contrast is that feeling that is not what you want to feel.  What I also know is that automatically I’m shooting off thoughts of wanting to feel better…get my ass back into the Vortex better.  And what I also know is to do that I need to soothe myself.  I can do that by accepting where I am…just not feeling so hot.

Then to soothe me I can think of how far I’ve come in the past few weeks and how well I’ve been doing and how I’ve been able to stay or return to the Vortex with very little effort.  Because of Law of Attraction if I can continue to think of good thoughts, more good thoughts will come, like I’m thinking about the road trip I’m planning for September, the friend I will be seeing tomorrow, the  movie I plan to see tomorrow, the comfort of my bed, the amazing opportunity I have now to just “be” and not have to go to work every day.  I can also know that I will be in the Vortex soon because I’m feeling better already and then I think of the fact that I know the Universe has my back and that so many possibilities are in my future and I know that it is going to be good.  I know this because it already has been good.  Yesterday I made a list of things I’ve manifested since I left my job last spring and I was amazed at the good things that I’ve created in my life during a time when I was really struggling. 

And so I feel much better, thank you very much.  I don’t know if I’m Vortex material just now but I trust contrast more.   It creates that opportunity to stretch myself into a new place and when I feel that I’m sucked right into the Vortex!

So, I proofed what I’ve written so far and in the process the Vortex just sucked me right in.  Yes!  The next time you don’t feel so hot try purposefully to focus yourself into a better feeling place.  It’s not rocket science and it’s the key to creating the life you want.

With love, Connie

April 28th, 2010:  The Vortex…the What?

The Buddhists say that this life is an illusion, a dream.  I remember hearing that and not knowing what that meant.  It had some resonance with me but I still did not understand.  Now I believe I’m much closer but it does challenge life as I knew it to be.

To hear what Abraham (see side panel) says about reality and vibrational reality can really rattle you cage.  I remember when I first read something that challenged my current belief about reality as I knew it.  I was about 27 and I was introduced to Edgar Cayce.  There have been volumes written by this man who was I believe blue collar worker who was a channel.  People would come to him with disease or some ailment and he would go into a trance and give them what they needed to do to heal.  Sometimes he would speak in a language unknown to him.  Sometimes he would speak of healing methods thousands of years old.    Much of the knowledge he retrieved was completely unknown by the man named Edgar Cayce.  Needless to say his knowledge was authenticated and his medical successes documented rigorously.

I read about Edgar Cayce for awhile and then I couldn’t read anymore.  It had just rocked my boat a bit too much and I had to put him down.  It took me years to digest and become comfortable with a different view of what I had considered “real”.  Because my spiritual path has developed over the course of about 25 to 30 years the idea that we are vibrational beings isn’t strange to me.  It seems reasonable.  Even the idea of a vibrational Vortex where all of our future dreams are held is not, at this point in my life seem “off the wall to me” understanding that thoughts are real and that we create our “thought dreams” and through Law of Attraction they are held for us in a sort of vibrational escrow or the Vortex.

But I imaging some people reading this will just chock this off to a “weirdo” and never come back to the site.  And then through Law of Attraction there will be those people who find this site who will get it.   Then there may be my family members who want to read this and had and idea that I was a bit “out there” but not this “out there”.  Whatever.

For me accepting that what I see as tangible as “real” and knowing that it is merely vibration and changeable and because it is vibration that has manifested it is past tense in a way.  Now take that one in.  The reality that we see looking out the window or looking around us is past tense?  That is really something.  What is really present tense in vibrational terms is what is in the Vortex.  That is even more present.  We may not be able to see it but we can feel it.  How do you know if you are feeling it.  You feel DAMN GOOD.  And after you feel that good, and your good feeling vibrations rise to match what is in your Vortex, then your dreams will manifest.

And after your dreams manifest you move onto new things and new ideas and new dreams and new stretching into new vibrations which will manifest and that is how we ensure eternity.   We, as human beings, create new energy, new thought energy which grows and grows and grows and we expand the Universe in that way.  This is just so amazing I’m done.

I must say that really embracing this meant letting go of life as I had known it to be and when I walked away from my job that I had for 32 years into a pit of loss I also felt the loss of a reality as I had known it to be and living with the powerful Vortex.  Would I go back?  Never.  I couldn’t if I wanted to.

With Love, Connie