Vision Keeping

I no longer consider my extra sensitive emotional self a curse.  After 40 years…since my 20’s of feeling labeled with an anxiety disorder, depression, throw in the possibility of bi-polar and yada, yada, yada.  When she felt good she felt very very good and when she felt bad, she said, “beam me up, Scotty.”

So, given that every time I experience fear/anxiety I told myself there was something “wrong” with me I have finally cracked the code.  After listenting to Abraham (see side panel) for about 3 years now, I’ve finally “heard” the message.  My emotions are my guidance.  Period.

So, what’s guidance…from where…for what?  Glad you asked.

We are all coming from two separate perspectives.  We have our physical perspective, the blood and bones part of us that sees and smells and tastes and touches, etc.  And yet the larger part of us is the energetic part of us, the Source piece of us.  We live in a vibrational world.  In fact, quantum physics has discovered that the smallest particle of matter is thought.  What the Bleep do We Know is a great book explaining this and it’s a mind blower.  There was a movie made by that name as well.

So, we are vibratonal beings and the larger piece of us is Source energy…the energy that runs through us that proclaims us as alive rather than a corpse.  There was a movie called 15 grams or it may have been 21 grams.  But the number of grams is what has been figured out to be what that non- physical piece of us weighs.  I’m not sure about that one but it’s interesting.  The most interesting thing is that what may be considered as “nothing” actually weighs “something.”

So we are non- physical beings who chose to come here and focus the leading edge of this energy in a physical body.  Abraham talks about electricity and a toaster.  We are both the electricity and the toaster and they must be connected.  For the toaster to work there must be the electricity.

So, we chose to come here and were not afraid because we have Guidance.  The guidance comes in the form of our emotions.  If we are feeling negative emotions it means that what we are feeling…fear, overwhelmnment, depression, frustration…what we are feeling is not in sync with what the larger part of us, our Source, is feeling.  For example, if we are feeling pissed off because of something our mate says, what is really going on is we are seeing the situation in a different way than our Source is seeing it.  Our physical self is angry but Source always sees with the eyes of love…so there is a pinching off within us from our Source energy and that does not feel good.  The further we are from our Source energy the more shitty we feel.   [That is the basic premise and it would take a book to explain it further.  And perhaps I should write a book except Jerry and Esther Hicks have already done it through Abraham.]

The opposite is also true.  The more aligned with Source, the better we feel.

Knowthing that my negative emotions are my guidance, I began to not fear my fear, to not label my negative emotions as a problem, as something wrong, as something not wanted.  I began to see them as my built in safety net, like the bumps on the shoulders of the highway telling you that you are going in the ditch.

Now just think about what this implies for our entire mental health system.  It boggles the mind and I will let that one just lay there.  It’s big.

Have a great weekend, With Love, Connie

December 4, 2010:  As You Expect So Shall You Receive

I went to my Law of Attraction (see Jerry and Ester Hicks side panel for lots more info) meetup group last night    Because so much of what I write about and what I’m living now goes against the norm I love getting together with people who know my language.

I so enjoyed a woman who was new to the Law of Attraction and Abraham.  She said she used to be a complainer and always expected horrible things to happen, and, of course they did.  We get what we expect, not what we want.  It ‘s because we are vibrational beings.  We are constantly emiting vibrations.  Remember back in the day when we talked about vibes and there were good vibes or bad vibes.  How true that is.  You can tell how a person or a space feels, whether it is inviting and comfortable, or it is just “off” and uncomfortable.  This is the real stuff.

So, we emit vibrations constantly and will draw to us those vibrations which match our own.  There is the woman who keeps falling in love with men who abuse her.  Well, unless she does some serious work on herself she gets what she expects and even though she may wish to find a man who treats her well, inside she expects to get the same crap.

Well, back to my group.  This once complaining woman decided to change what she was putting out to the universe and last night she was absolutely radiating joy.  She simply had to tell us about a trip so St. Louis that she had made recently and what a perfect time she had.  Everything went well, from her baggage to the flight times to the people to the hotel room being ready early and on and on and on.  She kept saying, “This suff WORKS!”  We were all so happy for her.  Her life had really changed and her face showed it.  She laughed because her grown daughter was complaining to her how the shuttle bus had broken down, blah, blah, blah. And she recognized her former self.

Have you noticed how as people age they can become really unattractive.  What was once a beautiful, attractive child becomes a bent old prune at 60.  That is not natural (and I may egaggerate).  It’s because of years and years of getting what you expect…of course on the negative side.  That’s why people tend to get cranky when they get older.  Rather than choosing to focus on what is good in their lives and building a base from there, they probably began as a sort of pessimistic person, who, with years of getting shitting outcomes because that is what they expect, their bodies reflect where their beliefs come from.

The Australian actress who got the academy award for her portrayal of a female serial killer in the movie Monster.   This was a real story and the childhood photo of the woman was shown and she was a very pretty little girl.  As a grown up she looked horrible.  The actress was Charlese Theron (sp) and I didn’t recognize her at all because of how awful she looked for the part.  I thought as I watched the trailer that they must have come up with this homeless person to play the part.

Enough…you get the idea.  It’s all about how you feel about what you are thinking.  How you feel, and feelings can be changed.

Happy feeling good.  With Love, Connie

November 29, 2010:  Fun?…Fun!

Until recently the word “fun” seemed rather strange to me.  What is fun?  There isn’t even a translation for fun in Spanish.  For Americans fun seems rather fluffy or frivoless or something outside the serious business of the success of oneself whatever the hell that is.  Or if there is fun present, there usually is alcohol present as well, for adults.

Then I have this bumper sticker from Abraham (see side panel) that says, “Life is supposed to be fun.”  So what is that?  I’ve had it on my fridge for the longest time.  I’d like to announce that I’m finally getting it…this “fun” thing…and I’m diggin’ it.

It slipped in on me sideways, connecting the word fun with my experience.   It was being able to connect with my Source within that cracked it for me.  So as humans we have two points of perception.  We have the physical point which is the most obvious and then we have the non physical part of us.  Some would call this Soul or Spirit or Source or God.  And this part of us is the larger part.  Our physical selves are extentions, are points of focus of the larger non physical part of us.

When we can get in touch with the Source part of us and see the world from the eyes of Source we are “in the Vortex” and it feels amazing.  It feels like love, it feels like who we truly are.  It’s truly a blending of physical and non physical and we feel whole.  A long time ago I heard somewhere that the human experience is dealing with the hole we feel, the empty part of us.  Well that is true if we do not know that we are extensions of Source energy, that we are God force and once we can access this vibration then no more hole.  Period.  Not that we do not loose this perspective now and then…especially if we watch television a lot.

After much focusing over the past year and accessing the Source part of me on a regular basis, I’m finally living the blending of physical and Source energy that I came here to live.  And…I’m getting the feeling of fun.  When I’m not worried about how my dreams are going to manifest, when I’m feeling free, when I’m feeling in the pulse of a larger picture of what I’m physically looking at then living has a lens of “fun” over it.  The best way I can describe it is to think about how I felt many times as a child…free, playing, in the moment, not running the hamster wheel of worry…just being. 

That feels like fun to me and the neatest thing is that everything else is frosting on the fun cake.

With Love, Connie

Thanksgiving, 2010

Wow, what a year…I went from hoping to Knowing and as Abraham (see side panel) says, the better it gets the better it gets.  That’s the most amazing thing.  Because I have felt so good most of the time and am getting such joy out of knowing I am free to choose my feelings (most of the time) and then from basking in that good feeling knowing that it is just going to get better and better…well…it blows my mind…in a good way of course!

After 64 years of thinking my very sensitive emotional system was often a curse, I’ve grown into it…like learning to ride my Harley.  (See previous post.) 

I have big dreams and now I can say that I’m really happy with where I am and can just look forward with eagerness and curiosity as to how they will all unfold.  Case in point:  I’m a cruise junkie.  Specifically a Princess cruise junkie.  I get all of this mail from them and drool over new ports of call.  Recently there was an ad for a transatlantic cruise from Florida to London including the Brittish Isles which incredibly cheap.  I really REALLY wanted to go but put a pass on it.  It’s a 16 day cruise and I’ve always wanted to go on a transatlantic cruise.  Then yesterday I got another mailing with this same cruise reduced another $400 and I bit.

For a minute I thought…I don’t have the money…I am cruising New Zealand in January…blah, blah.  And then I heard another voice in me saying, life is supposed to be fun, where is your knowing of your abundance?  And then I felt as if I was directed to think of signing up for the cruise and if I was worried, etc, then just to take the bounce and expand to a new point of Knowing the abundance and feeling good about it…And I did just that! 

The feeling was amazing and that was my affirmation from my Source energy to go for it!  I just called Princess and their booking office is closed today but if I am truly meant to be on that cruise there will be just the cabin for me tomorrow!

Now the real joy in all of this in not the cruise, or going on the cruise, but in the feeling of joy in the thinking about it and the expansion of it!  I’m finally getting that and getting that is worth an entire day of giving thanks! 

Love to All of You on this wonderful day of Appreciation!  Connie

November 24^th, 2010:  Like My Harley 1200 Sportster Custom

 I had the amazing opportunity to talk with Abraham (see insert) directly while cruising with Jerry and Esther Hicks in Tahiti.  That puts me in nearly celebrity status in some circles.  I’ll take it.  It took a lot for me to get myself into that chair to talk with Abraham.  Their vibration is so high that my teeth were buzzing just sitting there.  But the love coming off of them is so amazing I carried it for days.

So I asked Abraham about fear.  I had been having a difficult time with anxiety.   I’m still learning from their response to me.  Fear is only an indicator .  It doesn’t mean than there is something wrong with me.  It is my indication that I am not up to speed with my
Source energy…that there is a squeezing off between my physical me which I like to call mini-me and my Source which is the bigger part of me.  Abraham said that if I could have asked them a question it would have been, “Abraham, I am experiencing new energy which I can’t handle yet and I don’t know what to do.”

Basically they told me that I would get used to it in time and all will be well.  I was reminded of my learning how to ride my Harley.  Jesus was that an adventure!  I’m surprised I’m still alive with all of my limbs. 

 I took a class and learned to ride on a Honda 125…less that a sewing machine next to my 1200.  I went directly from 125 whatever to 1200 whatever and was scared shitless!  I practiced and practiced off road, turning, shifting gears, stopping, starting, shifting, turning.  It was fun but terrifying.  Then I took it out on the road and that was fun/scarey.

Then came the day when I had to ride it in from Germantown, WI where it was being stored to the Eastside of Milwaukee…about a 45 minute ride.  I had the route all mapped out to bypass the freeway.  And I did it!  Wow. 

 I’ve been riding for about 12 years now and the bike is a part of me.  I don’t usually think about what I’m doing, it just flows.

 Learning to handle my own bad ass energy is a bit similar.  I’m learning to shift, adjust, raise, turn, hold, let go until I feel like I’m really gaining some competence.

 And the greatest part of all…just like with my Harley.  I’m the one who is at the controls.  No one else rides my energy but me.  I shift my own gears, I raise my own energy, I feel good and it’s not dependent on anyone or anything else.  That is freedom.  I know that I have the keys to my own energy just like the keys to my Harley.  Congress doesn’t have them either, nor does North Korea, nor does my daughter.

 Happy riding, With Love, Connie

November 17, 2010:  After 3 Days She Arose

So, after chasing the tail of my Vortex, or the feeling of alignment for three days I finally remembered an Abraham (see inset) conversation in Los Angeles and I swear it was Drew Barrymore  asking Abraham a question but…[Aside:  Drew’s movie, Whippit, was so Abraham-like I believe she is an Abrahamster as we have been coined by a friend of mine.  I wish I could take credit for that one.]  Anyway the woman who sounded like Drew wanted Abraham to tell her what she should be telling herself at an audition when she really wanted the part.  In other words what is the best energetic stance to take in that situation.

Abraham replied that she could put herself in a win/win situation.  If she gets the part she can celelbrate her accomplishment.  If she doesn’t get the part she can tell herself that what she is wanting is taking a bit more time to put all of the pieces together in such a way that requires not getting this part but she will benefit greatly in the long run.

That remembering hit the bullseye for me.  I had a large disappointment along my trail of dreams and it truely was like not getting the part in the audition.  But when I remembered that this was a part of getting something even better down the road I finally “took the bounce” and slid back into alignment with the greater part of me which is Source energy.

The Source me or God within me was already poised for the next step and mini me got bogged down with disappointment.  But here’s the great part…coming back into alignment with Source energy is like or must be like taking a hit off the opium pipe because it feels just that good.  And after all that is why we came to this time space reality in the first place…to smoke opium.  No, we came to experience contrast and then expand to Source energy again.  In that expansion I was contributing to the total expansion of the Universe.  Now just think about that.

When we choose to come here what we ultimately do is to volunteer to have this experience that contributes to the total expansion of the Universe.   We do that through our experience of what we do not want.  Hopefully when we get whaked out we eventually feel better and we’ve all had those experiences when the sun comes out again and life is good.  We’ve just expanded the whole of the collective Universe and that is incredibly cool.  If we don’t succeed in feeling better we just get crabbier and crabbier until we crap our way into a nursing home and “croak” as Abraham says because we are eternal beings and there is not death.  And when we croak we emerge at once back into pure positive energy and WHAT A RUSH that is.

Abraham says that if we knew what a great rush death is that we wouldn’t be giving out the death “penalty” to those people we think deserve a punishment.

I’ve said a mouth full here but I just mainly want to stay in my return to the Vortex alignment.  AAHHHHHHH!

With love, Connie

November 15, 2010:  Help, My Vortex is Slippery!

In and out…in and out…in and out.  And not sexy!!  This was just one of those days.  Being a highly sensitive person means that when my energy isn’t aligned, I feel miserable.  Hateful.  Until Abraham (see side panel) I used to think my emotions meant something deep.  In fact I spent many years in therapy learning about what they meant.  That’s not to say therapy doesn’t have a place but after so much of it and after meeting Abraham, it’s finally sunk in that negative feelings, no matter what they are or where they came from or who triggered them and why, it all boils down to the fact that they are my indication that the Source part of me is seeing things different from how physical me or mini me is seeing them…period.

That’s it.  That’s all.  It doesn’t matter where they came from, really, it just means that I’m out of whack with the larger Source me.  So today when I woke up feeling shitty…and I’d gone to bed feeling shitty…I did remember that.  OMG.  The Source me is seeing the world with total eyes of love and I’m in the crapper…makes for a disturbance in the Force.  I feel horrible when that happens!

So I  journaled and actually expanded into the Source energy I was feeling and felt great for about an hour, then back to the crapper.  I walked the dog, listened to some Abraham on CD’s and felt better again.  Took a nap and then woke up feeling jolted and back in the crapper.  In and out…in and out.  Until the sun was setting and I was appreciative that the day was done and I felt on the glide path to bed.

The crappy part of me was afraid.  I was afraid my dreams were not going to materialize after all and I felt afraid that I was just going to be old and alone…end of story…oh, and brok too.  Even as I write this I can feel how pathetic it is and I don’t even believe it now but give me another couple of hours and I just may be there again.

Now let’s just get some perspective.   I have come an awfully long way and I do acknowledge that.  And since the brilliant idea came to me about what I could do with my life, it has only been about three months…Jesus, that’s probably just about one good inhale and exhale for Abraham.  And when I am sturdily in the Vortex of alignment, that place where all of my dreams are vibrationally being held for me until my physical self can vibrationally get up to speed with them and they can manifest, I know I am okay and that my future is assured and this chapter IV of my life is definitely the best yet.]

Jane Fonda was on Oprah a couple of weeks ago and she said that she was in her third act and she was having a great time and she’s 71.  Lookin’ really good too but has the benefit of a lot of help.  So I’m 64 as of last week and I call it my Act IV.  Of course Jane and I are quite close…peas in a pod.  Right.  But truly more and more of us…that being women in later years who have decided that they are in their prime whatever the age!

Oops.  I digress.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have gotten my grove back and will arrive sturdily in my Vortex in the not too distant future.  Abraham did tell me personally to bless my fear because it is telling me I’m not in the Vortex.  It’s my guidance.  Today I just wish I could dull now my guidance.  Wine might do the trick as well!

I do remember that negative feelings, or contrast, is also the way I expand.  My Source is out ahead of me and when I catch up, my energy literally expands to come into alignment with my divinity.  That absolutely will happen and when it does…well, there’s a high worth waiting for!  That’s why we came here to begin with…to feel that high that we call life!

With love, Connie

November 7th , 2010:  Taking the Bounce…again

Despite my entry this morning this was one of the most challening in recent weeks.  To get a visual I was sitting in a strip mall parking lot after having had lunch with a friend ( which was good) and I was afraid to go home to be with myself and had nothing else to do so the only thing I could do for awhile was to sit with the motor running and the dog in my lap and just let the tears fall.  It was comforting.

As evening came on and nothing was changing except the amount of light outside I took another run on shifting my energy.  As I was doing some writing it came to me…the greater part of me is Source energy.  When I am feeling negative energy it means that the physical part of me has become separated from the Source part of me.  In other words I’m out of alignment with me.  My two energy sources are not in sync. 

I also remembered that not only was I out of alignment, what was more important was that the Source energy part of me was already where I wanted to be and I just had not caught up with myself.  That made so much sense since I had had so much going on lately.  I had not kept up with me energetically,.,so…I took the bounce. 

I had the image of a trampoline and jumping in the air and feeling free and stretching into the self that I know that most of me had become but my physical self was lagging behind.  I took the bounce.  I’ve done this before but this time I really had to take the leap more than a bounce and I breathed and lept! 

WOW!  Do I feel better.  It’s called closing the gap.  When I felt myself coming back into alignment the feeling was and is just amazing.  I was affirmed that I can take the bounce and how powerful it is.  And the knowing too that I can shape my feelings is wonderful as well.  I may have t do that more as I find myself moving faster in the world now.

Blessings to all, Connie

November 7, 2010:  Manifesting and Vulnerable

It appears odd it me that now that my life is moving in a way that I had envisioned and Ihad held that vision for a year now or more really that I am waking weepy and fearful many days…like this one…Maybe there is something spooky in the energy because we are fucking with the time and have decided to move it back an hour.  How dare we!

That, of course goes against what I truly believe.  So I decided to plug in to you.  And I have gotten some really nice comments.  I am probably naive and think that this is a really sweet comment when it is really someone hacking into my system and depositing all kinds of viral material…but that, too, goes against my beliefs and even if that were so I’ll take the nice comment.  It feels good and that’s all the confirmation I need.

So at a time when my life is moving I feel like a deer in the headlights.  I see a potential dream beginning to sprout wings and I’m feeling so vulneralbe at times.  Now I must remember my words and words are powerful.  I’m not feeling vulnerable all the time but I guess when I begin to feel good so much of the time that NOT feeling good becomes so much worse.  And I guess that in itself is a major accomplishment.

This is the person who used to put one foot in front of the other to get through my days and fear for my sanity and just tough it out most of the time now speaking about how awful it is to not feel good.  Thinking about that I guess I have progressed quite a bit.  I HATE feeling crappy.  It’s no longer acceptable.  It’s just not who I am.  Writing these words is affirming. 

I got a glimpse I’d say of the hem of Source… or perhaps it was a thread of the hem of Source or God or whatever you wish.  But it was a different sort of glimpse of anything I’d had before.  This was a soothing light that was pure unconditional love.  And I know that because of how it felt.  I was meditating and I found this place of soft light…not this powerful light that you can’t look at but this soft sideways light.  Now I know that sounds strange but that’s the best I can do…I can picture it coming at me sort of sideways.  Perhaps that is to indicate the peacefulness and the humility of it.  Not a head on announcement but a quiet, unassuming sort of passing hello.

How it felt…lord how it felt was the most loving, achingly loving, totally accepting kind of love that was piercingly beautiful and I felt humble in the presence and knowing this was far bigger than anything I could possibly imagine and more loving that I could ever experience until I make my transition back to non physical being.

I hadn’t intended to write about this but I obviously needed it.  As I walk into greater manifestation of my dreams I must remember that I cannot get it wrong.  I am cocreating with the eternal.  I AM eternal energy and all I need do is to lean in the direction of feeling good and use my tears as guidance to let me know that the Source within me is NOT seeing the situation as I am seeing it but is that total loving presence that is with me as well.

Happy Daylight Savings and Peace.  With Love, Connie