February 9, 2011:   What I thought I was waiting for is Now                  

I’ve heard all the slogans, seen the movie…a guy spends the better part of his life looking for his purpose and finally realizes he has been living his purpose all along.  So, I’ve heard it, knew it in my head but just didn’t think it applied to me.

And in some ways it didn’t…but that was when I had a career I was enjoying and proud of.  For the past two years, without my publically stamped credibility, I’ve considered myself waiting for the next thing.

And for awhile that was enough.  I was not ready for the next thing.  Waiting was needed until I felt “ready”.  But when I do feel ready then what do I do to legitimize myself?  Waiting doesn’t get it any more.  My self esteem gets wobbly.  I begin to doubt my beliefs.

And then I’ve come to realize, especially over the past several days that there is an accelerated awakening going on in me.

Without the distraction of the external world and with the cocoon of winter around me I’m stuck with me.  And even with episodes of anxiety and tears I’ve decided it’s a good thing to be stuck with me.  I’m experiencing a deepening to my connection with Source and a stronger commitment to accept myself and my emotional guidance because that’s all I have.  And it’s good enough.  And it’s all I have.

And as I go deeper and experience myself as truly a vibrational being and truly Source energy in a way I have not experienced before, I know that I’m not waiting. 

I feel the current of life, a momentum moving me, and I know that this is the ride I was meant to have.  I am doing it.  I’m living my life.  I’m not waiting.  I’m there.  I couldn’t be more there.

With Love, Connie

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