Vision Keeping

February 21, 2011:  Manifesting Me

Milwaukee has been enjoying another winter storm for the past two days and it appears that it will continue.  I have been in my loft mostly for the past two days and feeling life is good, watching the snow from my 8^th floor window, snuggling on the couch with my Dudie dog, watching movies, listening to Abraham (see side panel), cooking.  And, most importantly, feeling great consistently.  I’m content, feeling eager for things to come, imagining what I may be doing in the future, focusing my energy to even higher frequencies.

I could not have been in this space even a few weeks ago.  I would have been too antsy to just “be”, too anxious to not “do”.  Life just keeps getting better and the really great thing is that there is no end to feeling better.  That is the eternal nature of who we are.  We are all constantly expanding and the expansion does not stop.

There was a time when I was wanting to manifest “things.”  I’ll know I’ve really done something when I have the place to live I want.  I’ll know I’ve really gotten this Abraham stuff down when I have all the money I want in the bank.

And then I realized that I am where I want to be.  I’m riding the river of life and what I am manifesting is me!     I can feel myself expanding daily with thoughts and ideas that are inspiring.  That’s the most important thing that I can do is to manifest me.  And then, to enjoy my physical manifestations from the point of feeling aligned with my Source is the best ever!   It’s satisfying in the best sense.  Things don’t fill the void.  Feeling good without the things fills the void and I have control over that.

We want things because we think we will feel better in the having of them.  But that feeling is not sustained from things.  That’s why the having of things can become an addiction.  We have to have more to keep feeling good.

What we are wanting is to feel whole and aligned with our Source.  And when we have that, then the things are frosting on the cake and I love frosting.

With Love, Connie

February 16, 2011:  Coming Home has Benefits!

Home has benefits

I spend more and more of my time feeling great.  As Abraham (see side panel) would say I’m in the Vortex.  Eckhardt Tolle would say I’ve given up my “pain body”.  Whatever the words for it, I feel as if I’m home whenever I’m feeling this way and it is wonderful.  It’s the “original me” before I got pulled away from who I am and that was at a very early age…I’d say pre-toddler even.

I would describe myself as a highly sensitive person and it explains a lot looking back from this vantage point.  It explains why I was so sensitive to the people around me as a baby that I gave up my own path to “be” for others so young.

It explains why I had such a rough time in my 20’s when my feelings were overwhelming to me and I didn’t know how to cope with them other than adopting a mental health label which would haunt me at some level for the next 40 years.

I didn’t know then that my strong negative feelings about me and the world around me, were just my guidance telling me I was off track.  Period.  I was pinched off from my Source energy and didn’t know it and so I couldn’t get back home.  I just didn’t know and so I became labeled with an anxiety disorder.  Girl Interrupted.

So now that I’m learning how to fly my own plane, manage my energy, I have a feeling of freedom that is exhilarating to me.  From my loft downtown I can watch the gulls and geese fly by my windows and a part of me can project out and fly with them and that’s really a wild feeling!

And I’m deciding what I want and why I want it.  Abraham says we can do, be and have anything we desire.  We just need to come into alignment with ourselves, into the Vortex of our own creation.

Of course I know I’d like money to do whatever it is that I want to do.  Money equals freedom.  But to put the energy, the vibration in that wanting we need to ask why we want it.  Beyond freedom, what is it that we want and why? 

I imagine buying a car outright with no payments involved and I actually feel giddy.  That is the feeling that fuels the attraction of that to me.  The Law of Attraction says “that which is like unto itself is drawn.”  So if I can feel the vibration of what I want, it can come to me faster.  I needn’t know who, when or how.  If fact all of that just interferes with the pure desire.

All manifestation is thought first, thought vibration before it manifests.  So I can just feel good imagining what it is that I want, and, most importantly why I want it to give it the punch it needs and then chill out and watch everything I’ve wanted, my hearts desires, manifest.

Of course it is happening already and has been.  I’ve wanted to feel this good for as long as I can remember.  And the really neat part is that the better it gets the better it gets.  So I can look forward to endless feeling better.  And then I can expect everything else to fall in as well.  From my childhood that held a lot of spiritual abuse…Bible belt fundamentalism…I  remember,  “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else shall be added unto you.”  Sounds like Abraham but I didn’t know then that the kingdom of heaven was that home inside of me.

With Love, Connie

February 9, 2011:   What I thought I was waiting for is Now                  

I’ve heard all the slogans, seen the movie…a guy spends the better part of his life looking for his purpose and finally realizes he has been living his purpose all along.  So, I’ve heard it, knew it in my head but just didn’t think it applied to me.

And in some ways it didn’t…but that was when I had a career I was enjoying and proud of.  For the past two years, without my publically stamped credibility, I’ve considered myself waiting for the next thing.

And for awhile that was enough.  I was not ready for the next thing.  Waiting was needed until I felt “ready”.  But when I do feel ready then what do I do to legitimize myself?  Waiting doesn’t get it any more.  My self esteem gets wobbly.  I begin to doubt my beliefs.

And then I’ve come to realize, especially over the past several days that there is an accelerated awakening going on in me.

Without the distraction of the external world and with the cocoon of winter around me I’m stuck with me.  And even with episodes of anxiety and tears I’ve decided it’s a good thing to be stuck with me.  I’m experiencing a deepening to my connection with Source and a stronger commitment to accept myself and my emotional guidance because that’s all I have.  And it’s good enough.  And it’s all I have.

And as I go deeper and experience myself as truly a vibrational being and truly Source energy in a way I have not experienced before, I know that I’m not waiting. 

I feel the current of life, a momentum moving me, and I know that this is the ride I was meant to have.  I am doing it.  I’m living my life.  I’m not waiting.  I’m there.  I couldn’t be more there.

With Love, Connie

February 6^th,  2011:

I keep thinking about this young man I was listening to on an Abraham (see side panel) CD from their seminar in Kansas City, KS, last September.  When Abraham speaks with audiences, they field questions about anything.  They always say that nothing is off limits so people have the opportunity to go on stage and ask a question and talk directly with infinite intelligence.  I’m not going to go into the story of Jerry and Esther Hicks and their journey with Abraham but it is worth going on their website or YouTube to get more information.

So, anyway, back to the young man on stage.  He could barely get his question out and initially had such a hard time because he was crying and even snorted into the microphone.  The gist of his question was that he knows that his thoughts create his reality but he wrestles with his thoughts so much because he has so many negative feelings about himself and he gets so utterly frustrated with himself because he gets so tangled up with himself and then believes that he will not be able to create anything worthwhile because of his war with himself.  He asked for Abraham’s input.

I so got him.  Before this point in my life I was where he is most of the time and listening to him I felt tears on my face that sprang without my knowing.  I’m sure many felt this way.

Of course Abraham wanted to soothe him into a better feeling place and I certainly wanted to go along for the ride as well.  They told him that he had great desire for one so young as evident in his sensitivity to his feelings and his surroundings.  They told him that his larger self, his Source energy, was much bigger than his struggle with himself and he would go on to create great things for himself.  His job at this point was just trying to relax with himself and know he was on the right track and well ahead of his peers.

Hearing that was very affirming for me.  I could so see myself in this young man.  My 20’s were very difficult because with my very strong emotions I just thought there was something deeply wrong with me.  I wished I had had Abraham telling me that my emotions are my guidance.  Period.  They do not mean anything other than your physical vibrations are not in line with your Source energy vibrations and that causes somewhat of a split in your energy.  Period again.  Instead of feeling the period I built a whole story around my woundedness that was a strong belief for years.

But if Abraham had been there for me in my 20’s I would not have had the life I have had so all is well and I do believe everything is running perfectly.

But hearing Abraham talking to this young man in such a loving reassuring way was also for me.  There were many times, and still are moments, when my doubts rise to the surface and I want to call out and be reassured that I’m not fucking anything up with my feeling of going in circles with one foot nailed to the floor.  And, looking back and seeing my accomplishments despite my belief in my wounded self and not knowing that the wound was self inflicted, only reinforces the knowing of my strength now.

Knowing that my Source and my life movement are so much stronger than my puny, by comparison, mind fucks scratched an itch in me that needed attention.

Thank you, Abraham.

With Love, Connie