Vision Keeping

November 7th , 2010:  Taking the Bounce…again

Despite my entry this morning this was one of the most challening in recent weeks.  To get a visual I was sitting in a strip mall parking lot after having had lunch with a friend ( which was good) and I was afraid to go home to be with myself and had nothing else to do so the only thing I could do for awhile was to sit with the motor running and the dog in my lap and just let the tears fall.  It was comforting.

As evening came on and nothing was changing except the amount of light outside I took another run on shifting my energy.  As I was doing some writing it came to me…the greater part of me is Source energy.  When I am feeling negative energy it means that the physical part of me has become separated from the Source part of me.  In other words I’m out of alignment with me.  My two energy sources are not in sync. 

I also remembered that not only was I out of alignment, what was more important was that the Source energy part of me was already where I wanted to be and I just had not caught up with myself.  That made so much sense since I had had so much going on lately.  I had not kept up with me energetically,.,so…I took the bounce. 

I had the image of a trampoline and jumping in the air and feeling free and stretching into the self that I know that most of me had become but my physical self was lagging behind.  I took the bounce.  I’ve done this before but this time I really had to take the leap more than a bounce and I breathed and lept! 

WOW!  Do I feel better.  It’s called closing the gap.  When I felt myself coming back into alignment the feeling was and is just amazing.  I was affirmed that I can take the bounce and how powerful it is.  And the knowing too that I can shape my feelings is wonderful as well.  I may have t do that more as I find myself moving faster in the world now.

Blessings to all, Connie

November 7, 2010:  Manifesting and Vulnerable

It appears odd it me that now that my life is moving in a way that I had envisioned and Ihad held that vision for a year now or more really that I am waking weepy and fearful many days…like this one…Maybe there is something spooky in the energy because we are fucking with the time and have decided to move it back an hour.  How dare we!

That, of course goes against what I truly believe.  So I decided to plug in to you.  And I have gotten some really nice comments.  I am probably naive and think that this is a really sweet comment when it is really someone hacking into my system and depositing all kinds of viral material…but that, too, goes against my beliefs and even if that were so I’ll take the nice comment.  It feels good and that’s all the confirmation I need.

So at a time when my life is moving I feel like a deer in the headlights.  I see a potential dream beginning to sprout wings and I’m feeling so vulneralbe at times.  Now I must remember my words and words are powerful.  I’m not feeling vulnerable all the time but I guess when I begin to feel good so much of the time that NOT feeling good becomes so much worse.  And I guess that in itself is a major accomplishment.

This is the person who used to put one foot in front of the other to get through my days and fear for my sanity and just tough it out most of the time now speaking about how awful it is to not feel good.  Thinking about that I guess I have progressed quite a bit.  I HATE feeling crappy.  It’s no longer acceptable.  It’s just not who I am.  Writing these words is affirming. 

I got a glimpse I’d say of the hem of Source… or perhaps it was a thread of the hem of Source or God or whatever you wish.  But it was a different sort of glimpse of anything I’d had before.  This was a soothing light that was pure unconditional love.  And I know that because of how it felt.  I was meditating and I found this place of soft light…not this powerful light that you can’t look at but this soft sideways light.  Now I know that sounds strange but that’s the best I can do…I can picture it coming at me sort of sideways.  Perhaps that is to indicate the peacefulness and the humility of it.  Not a head on announcement but a quiet, unassuming sort of passing hello.

How it felt…lord how it felt was the most loving, achingly loving, totally accepting kind of love that was piercingly beautiful and I felt humble in the presence and knowing this was far bigger than anything I could possibly imagine and more loving that I could ever experience until I make my transition back to non physical being.

I hadn’t intended to write about this but I obviously needed it.  As I walk into greater manifestation of my dreams I must remember that I cannot get it wrong.  I am cocreating with the eternal.  I AM eternal energy and all I need do is to lean in the direction of feeling good and use my tears as guidance to let me know that the Source within me is NOT seeing the situation as I am seeing it but is that total loving presence that is with me as well.

Happy Daylight Savings and Peace.  With Love, Connie