September 27th, 2010:  An ah-ha Moment

I’m on my way home…after 21 days away.  To get me across Nebraska and Iowa…I don’t want to offend…but the scenery isn’t quite as attention grabbing as it was in South Dakota, Wyoming and Colorado and Utah…I’m listeninng to The Ladies #1 Dectective Agency.  I’m a real fan.

But I digress…after 4 days camping the the Colorado mountains…or at least in a Colorado meadow in the mountains…I came out strengthened with at least two ah=ha’s.  I meditate daily…twice a day, actually, morning and evening.  It’s a wonderful time of day.  I had heard to “follow the feeling” to the presence of Source and when I was meditating I would tune to a really good feeling and then get a sense of the string of it and think that would lead me to Source.  I did get to feeling better but one evening at my campsite I had a loud thought in my head that the really good feelings actually are Source, not leading me there but good feelings are the presence of Source energy.  Realizing that brought this amazing sort of shock wave through my body.  Knowing that has greatly improved my meditation and rather than push on the good feelings to find something else I’m more able to just allow them and they emerge/expand more clearly.

Another thing I’ve learned, and I’ve learned a lot,  is to really trust the good feelings in my gut as leadership of Source.  If I get a good feeling about getting off the freeway NOW, then I do and I found myself in front of this wonderful B & B last night in Frisco, CO which was perfect.

I had gotten so good at listening to Source and knowing that all is well that the first night I stayed at a Colorado campsite, it rained like hell but I was in my wonder tent and I knew I would be okay.  Even when the rain was smashing into the side of the tent so hard that the side of the tent was bending over my stomach!  I woke the next morning and was bone dry…not a thing wet on the floor of the tent or me or anything in the tent.  And we had three hard inches that night!  I was fine, not freaked like I would have been because I trusted I would be and having a great tent helped!  A Sierra Mountains 3 season tent.  I’m a believer!

For two nights at that campsite I was totally by myself and could have freaked out imagining a serial killer on the loose looking for vulnerable women.  I even thought that this guy circling in his pickup two or three times was checking me out.  Help!  Then I went back to Source and knew I was fine and focussed my thinking.  Even so I kept my Swiss Mountain knife by my bed.  I don’t know what i would have done with it!  Plus the next day I realized that the guy in the pickup was a local rancher rounding up stray cattle who were mooing their heads off.

I’ll be home on the 30th.  I can’t believe I’ve done it!  I’ve toughened up my spirit and I know I can handle all kinds of stuff and focus my feelings when needed and keep trucking…even when it was raining and I had to pee and I couldn’t go outside, I made myself pee in a cup and threw it out under the tent flap.  I grossed myself out.

I’ve developed a strong inner self that feels more confident with myself…not all the time but I realized how far I’ve come since I began writing this last fall and I had to acknowledge that I’ve come a long way.

You’ll be hearing from me back in Milwaukee…I miss my puppy!!!   Love, Connie

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