Vision Keeping

September 30, 2010:  Got Fame?

Iowa City, anyone?  I’m here and on my way home today.  It feels exhilarating after being gone for over three weeks on my own outback quest and now returning with new skin.

I wanted to share something with you.  The other night I happened to catch a documentary on HBO.  In it Adreinne (sp), the wonderful Vince on Entourage, was doing a story on this young paparazzi, 14 year old Austin.  And as the story developed, Austin even began being pursued by the paparazzi and was becoming famous and so Adrienne began discussing fame.  Many people want to be famous or pursue someone famous to get a piece of it.

It was a very good piece and I thought of the need for people to touch fame.  The big ah-ah for me came when Adrienne was discussing fame with a professor and the idea was presented that people have a basic desire to be acknowledged.  And it appears to me that as our society becomes more and more disconnected that this desire to become acknowledged is heightened.

When I was much younger I remember hearing from somewhere that to be human is to have an emptiness, a hole which can never be filled, and that is just the way it is.

I am very happy to announce that as I Know that I am Source Energy (see my side panels on Jerry and Esther Hicks) and have learned to feel better and better through meditation and through many of the things I have discussed here that I have securely anchored to that Source Energy within me and I do not have that hole within anymore.  I feel whole.  I am whole.  Source and I are the same…that is true for all of us.  I’m not religious but I’m a fan of Jesus.  He said “The kingdom of God is within”.  He’s on to something there.  Well the guy did study in India for a lot of years.

One of my intentions on this trip was to get more in touch with my own Source…and I did that.  I feel completely acknowledged by my Source and the idea of chasing after someone “famous” seems rather odd.  Well, it always did but now I really get the need but I also get why I don’t feel the need.  I feel acknowledged, deeply acknowledged.

Now if Adrienne were in the lobby of the Country Inn where I’m staying I might want to saunter on down and tell him I loved his documentary and he really is cute!

I can’t wait to see my bff wonder dog.  I mess him the most….with love, Connie

September 27th, 2010:  An ah-ha Moment

I’m on my way home…after 21 days away.  To get me across Nebraska and Iowa…I don’t want to offend…but the scenery isn’t quite as attention grabbing as it was in South Dakota, Wyoming and Colorado and Utah…I’m listeninng to The Ladies #1 Dectective Agency.  I’m a real fan.

But I digress…after 4 days camping the the Colorado mountains…or at least in a Colorado meadow in the mountains…I came out strengthened with at least two ah=ha’s.  I meditate daily…twice a day, actually, morning and evening.  It’s a wonderful time of day.  I had heard to “follow the feeling” to the presence of Source and when I was meditating I would tune to a really good feeling and then get a sense of the string of it and think that would lead me to Source.  I did get to feeling better but one evening at my campsite I had a loud thought in my head that the really good feelings actually are Source, not leading me there but good feelings are the presence of Source energy.  Realizing that brought this amazing sort of shock wave through my body.  Knowing that has greatly improved my meditation and rather than push on the good feelings to find something else I’m more able to just allow them and they emerge/expand more clearly.

Another thing I’ve learned, and I’ve learned a lot,  is to really trust the good feelings in my gut as leadership of Source.  If I get a good feeling about getting off the freeway NOW, then I do and I found myself in front of this wonderful B & B last night in Frisco, CO which was perfect.

I had gotten so good at listening to Source and knowing that all is well that the first night I stayed at a Colorado campsite, it rained like hell but I was in my wonder tent and I knew I would be okay.  Even when the rain was smashing into the side of the tent so hard that the side of the tent was bending over my stomach!  I woke the next morning and was bone dry…not a thing wet on the floor of the tent or me or anything in the tent.  And we had three hard inches that night!  I was fine, not freaked like I would have been because I trusted I would be and having a great tent helped!  A Sierra Mountains 3 season tent.  I’m a believer!

For two nights at that campsite I was totally by myself and could have freaked out imagining a serial killer on the loose looking for vulnerable women.  I even thought that this guy circling in his pickup two or three times was checking me out.  Help!  Then I went back to Source and knew I was fine and focussed my thinking.  Even so I kept my Swiss Mountain knife by my bed.  I don’t know what i would have done with it!  Plus the next day I realized that the guy in the pickup was a local rancher rounding up stray cattle who were mooing their heads off.

I’ll be home on the 30th.  I can’t believe I’ve done it!  I’ve toughened up my spirit and I know I can handle all kinds of stuff and focus my feelings when needed and keep trucking…even when it was raining and I had to pee and I couldn’t go outside, I made myself pee in a cup and threw it out under the tent flap.  I grossed myself out.

I’ve developed a strong inner self that feels more confident with myself…not all the time but I realized how far I’ve come since I began writing this last fall and I had to acknowledge that I’ve come a long way.

You’ll be hearing from me back in Milwaukee…I miss my puppy!!!   Love, Connie

September 21, 2010:  Building Spiritual Muscle

Traveling alone and tenting in the great outdoors is a great way to build spiritual muscle…like feeling more confident that I can use negative emotions to practice being able to focus and turn them around to feeling connected to my Source in a way that feels good..i.e., joy.

Traveling is a potential hot bed of disappointment, frustration, apprehension, doubt, whatever your weak links traveling alone and tent camping brings them to the surface.  I haven’t stayed there long but I’ve had those moments.  I known I have helped myself a great deal by listening to and trusting my inner guidance.  That always is there.  Like “I don’t think I’ll make it to the Grand Canyon after all.  I spent more time in Wyoming than I had planned and I’m longing for trees and water.  Red/orange rock and no trees and more heat doesn’t feel that cozy now.”  And, coming out of the mountains on HY 139 to I70 I took a right to Grand Junction rather than a left to Moab, UT.  I feel a need to stop and collect myself rather than push and I do mean “push” into canyon country.

Now, having made that decision based on a feeling of guidance I’m planning to go to Grand Mesa National Forest and that feels just right to wind up this odyssey.  Even though I’d thought of seeing the Grand Canyon for months I just wasn’t feeling it now and decided, once again, that feeling good is the most important thing I can do for myself and when I act on what feels good, more good comes to me. I’m holed up in a wonderful hotel for two days, eating great food and talking to extremely helpful people.  That’s what it’s all about.  I’d rather feel good than see the Grand Canyon just now.

Spiritual muscle building also occurred at Sheeps Creek , Utah camping at Flaming Gorge.  I was tenting right beside Sheeps Creek where the salmon were running and it was a great experience just to sit and watch this amazing act of nature.  But then I had a feeling of lonliness for the first time on the trip, homesick but not for home…just feeling a bit isolated.  It was Sunday night and I was the only one in this campground and I wasn’t feeling all that great until I figured out that this was the first time I’d really been alone, alone.

So, I began to work with this to turn the feelings around and reconnect with Source.  All negative emotions are is an indicator that the physical me and the Source/energetic me are pinched off a bit.  So it’s not really about the being there alone but about my Source me not looking at the situation the same way the physical me is looking at the same situation.  This split results in a feeling of apprension for me.  Until….I remember what I just said.  It’s not really anything to be afraid of because it’s only a pinching off from Source and then I relaxed and know All Is Well and felt the connection again.  I had a great nights sleep and woke up still the only one in the camp ground.  I had briefly pondered getting my knife out and putting it beside the bed but then I figured that that would fuel my negative side so better not.

Being able to turn that particular situation around from feeling alone and isolated to cozy with Source really helped me feel that I had some muscle developing and I liked that a lot.

Tomorrow I’m off to Grand Mesa National Park for three days….or maybe four to wind up this amazing trip and begin heading homeward.

With Love from Grand Junction, CO, Connie

September 16th, 2010:  Horsethief Lake Lost

I found the perfect campsite.  I mean the campsite of my dreams.  Picture a small pristine lake nestled in the Black Hills.  It’s late in the season and I enter a loop of campsites and the first one is about 20 feet from the lake in this grove of pine trees that look so perfect as if they have been washed and scrubbed.  It was a sunny cool crisp afternoon.  I noticed that I was in a secluded cove to boot and was so excited about my good fortune that I was giddy, thanking Source for such wonderful guidance,blah, blah.  I’m gratefully unpacking and was about halfway done still giddy when the nice man in his truck comes to tell me that I must leave and that the park has closed.  WHAT???   I just stare at him in disbelief.  Have you ever had your care stolen and kept looking at the spot you left it in expecting it to materialize.

That’s what I did with this man…just kept looking at him because of course he was out of his mind nuts!  I begged him…sorry lady.  I said just make an exception.  No and if you don’t leave you’ll be locked in here til next spring!    Ha, Ha.  Fuck you mister!  So I had to put everything back into my car not believing yet it was true and not wanting to let go.  God Damn!  I was trying not to cry and as I left the campsite to drive to an obviously inferior one from the PERFECT ONE, I still could not let go.

But I got to the acceptable one, pitched camp on a lake…not as good but I had switched gears and feeling better.  Then when I went to do my evening meditation I just had something stuck in my craw and I could not make that Source connection which is always so wonderful.  So good, now I’ve lost the campsite and connection with Source too.  Wait a minute.

I know better.  I was trying too hard to feel something I just wasn’t feeling and when I let myself feel what I was truly feeling it was…..it was…it was….yes it was anger.  I was pissed off still and  by God I wanted to be pissed off.  It felt damn good to be pissed of and so I let myself be pissed off and pretty soon I was feeling so good at feeling pissed off that I began to just expand that feeling and that pissed off feeling expanded into power and now I was cookin’.  I loved that feeling of power and thought about how many times I have let it go because it wasn’t right blah, blah, and now allowed the feeling of power to fill me.  Anger is power at times and better than feeling victimized which WAS my feeling of choice.   I AM Source Energy after all and that is power!! 

Because I was feeling so good at having recovered a piece of me that felt so good I actually could be appreciative of the loss of my perfect campsite and bless the loss because look what I got?!  Much more that a campsite!

From Buffalo Wyoming the Journey continues with love, Connie

September 13th, 2010:  Road Trip Expansion

I’m in love with southeast South Dakota.  It took me three days of farting along to get here but DAMN!  After two nights in motels it was great to camp in the Badlands National Park.  I said to myself, this is BAD ASS land all right.  It’s very severe and amazingly beautiful.  I have continually asked for guidance and have gotten it without fail.  When I tried to set up my tent with the wind blowing it horizontal in my hands, Peter shows up to give me a hand.

Interior, SD down the road about 2 miles was a favorite…population 67 and they put on an amazing hog roast for $5 a plate.  I had to give them 10 because it was just too good.  The woman who works at the Cowboy Corner Gas Station in Interior is rare.  She works from 6a.m. to 9 p.m. every day but one and is the area therapist.  Every time I came in she was hugging someone and clearly was a fixture in Buffalo Grassland.

I can’t say enough about the Badlands.  I am not only a prairie woman by blood but I’m positive I was an Oglala Lakota in more that one past life.  It feels like home to me in this bad ass land.  In the gift shop at the park there was an original warrior head dress and as I touched it I had chills up and down my body.  I imagined me riding my pinto bareback, carrying my spear and chasing buffalo.  And I say about 20o buffalo in the park and got nearly eye to eye with them and they are big suckers.  Damn!

I am having a WONDERFUL time.  I’m using my inner Source as my guide as to where to go and how long to stay and am very comfortable with that.  I’m also consciously upping my energetic connection with Source.  If you can meditate without too much distraction I would recommend this resource.  When you get relaxed and have calmed the thoughts in your mind think of someone with whom you have no conflict at all and with whom you have a loving connection.  I used my bff dog, Dudie.  I think of him…and this is the deal…I think of his energy, what does he feel like to me, what is his personality feel like.  It may take a minute or two to fish around and let that energy come to you but you will recognize it when you feel it.  That’s Dudie! 

I recommend beginning with a pet if you have one because usually you have no issues to get in the way of allowing the loving energy to come through.

After you have this energy ramped up, and it should be feeling pretty good, now try to bring in someone you love.  I thought of my daughter, no ambivalence there, and noticed I had to expand my energy field and feel for her energy at a more expanded space but she came through and I knew I had gone to a higher vibration.

I realize this may sound really off the walls to someone who is not used to meditating and feeling energy but I’m putting it out there anyway.

After calling in the energy of a loved human, then try calling in your own Higher Self.  I found that this takes a still higher energy boost as you think of what it feels like to be you…what does your personality feel like?  And feel your way to that, allow that energy and then allow that feeling to expand.

Now this is pretty much graduate work in meditation and not for a beginner unless you are just a natural.  And the process takes 10 to 20 minutes because the mind wanders and it takes a while to allow yourself to turn down the volume on the reality around you so that you can get into a quiet space.

I’m loving this trip more that I can speak.  I’m in Keystone, SD right outside Mt. Rushmore and I plan to stay in the National Park here for two or three nights as I am guided.  Then on to Wyoming.  I decided that this will definitely not be my last road trip.  There is no better way to get close to yourself than this kind of adventure.

Sending you my love from “The Heads”,  Connie

September 6, 2010:  Raise your Expectations

We get what we expect.  You mean I wanted that cancer?  You mean I wanted that car accident?  You mean I wanted that abusive relationship?  What you get may not be something you have verbally asked for but everything always does match your vibrations.  I was t-boned in a motorcycle accident about 10 years ago.  I certainly didn’t want that accident.  But in my vibration I was expecting it because a friend of mine told me I was going to be in an accident and she’s one of those people who “knows” things.  Also I was dealing with a potential law suit at work and a very nasty employee nightmare.  I had people who thought I was a very bad person even though in my mind I had done nothing but have integrity.  I carried that very heavily.  I was a victim vibrationally in a very painful way.

Then, BAM.  I’m in intensive care and have the summer off to sit in the sun and read 4 volumes of Harry Potter.  A mixed bag and looking back I canb see how I attracted that situation. 

We always attract what is in our vibration somewhere.  Disease is that way as well.  If we do not keep up with who we have become vibrationally, eventually that strain of the split in our vibration will manifest as disease.  This society is so believing that our bodies must fail us as we age and we will invariably go into a decline and probably have to get sick before we die that most of us do.  We believe in disease and so it is.  We get what we expect.

As I enter a new chapter in my life I’m becoming more clear about my expectations and setting them high.  I refuse to set them low so I won’t be disappointed…what a recipe for disappointment.  I feel my soul’s calling in the works and you bet I’m going to allow “it” to unfold as it will with the expectation that what will manifest will be far more than what I could even imagine.  I expect amazing things and will get them.  I don’t know from whom, or when, or where or how but that is not important.  All I have to do, as Louise Hay (see side panel) always said, is what is in front of me.  That’s what she did and she has built a publishing empire and had fun doing it just by doing what was in front of her.

Tomorrow I’m leaving on a road trip and I won’t be back until my money runs out or my desire runs out, whichever comes first and I have a sense it will be the money.  I will probably be back the last week in September and I’m very excited.  I’m packing and heading west with my far off destination being the north rim of the Grand Canyon.  I have no intinerary or time table, just a 2010 Rand McNally Road Atlas and my camping gear.  I can camp or stay at motels, whichever calls me at the moment.

I’m taking my laptop and intend to continue to write while traveling as long as I have Verizon coverage.  This trip really feels like the beginning of my new life.  A big adventure to begin yet a bigger adventure.  When I return home the fun really begins.  And all will be revealed.  I fully expect it.

With love, Connie