Vision Keeping

June 30, 2010:  The tipping point

You know those teeter totters on playgrounds?  I used to play on them as a kid.  If you have equal weight on both sides you can stay suspended with your feet off the ground but if one side is heavier that the other or if on person moves back on the seat the weight reaches the tipping point and that end will come down and the other side will go up.  It’s kind of like a giant scales.

Abraham (see side panel) talks about a tipping point too.  They say that when you have practiced being in your Vortex of Creation, that really good feeling place, long enough, then you will reach a tipping point where most of your vibration will be in the Vortex…you won’t have to focus yourself there all the time, you will just find yourself there.  It is our natural state of being but we have gotten trained away from who we are as Source in physical bodies.

Well, folks, I have reached the tipping point.  It happened while I was in the North Woods.  It was not an event but just a noticing that my vibration was continually in the Vortex and I didn’t have to get myself there.  I just was there.  Before, when I would have periods of being in the Vortex, I did not feel as grounded there as I do now.  I could also feel spit out of the Vortex very easily with seemingly no trigger.  Now with every breath, its beginning to feel like home and I can’t tell you how amazing it is. 

I’m not quite used to it yet because I feel like my body is whirling very fast…I know my metabolism is shifting and I’m drinking water like crazy.  I’m not diabetic either.  As new as this feels, I also know that it is home.  This is where ET in Stephen Spielberg’s movie was trying to reach I think when he said “ET phone home”.  I cried so much when he said that because I wanted to go home too but I didn’t know where home was.  And now I feel as if I’m there!  And I don’t feel guilty, or arrogant, or snooty about saying it one bit because I have been looking for “home” all my life and paid my dues.  Not that there are any dues to pay…that was an out of the Vortex comment.

I feel a bit like Oprah when she said that she grew up in such grinding poverty in the south that when she began to make serious money she didn’t feel guilty at all because of where she had come from and how hard she had worked.  It’s like that for me.

I feel a sense of freedom that I’ve never felt before and it is delicious.  I’m not even afraid of saying it out loud because I know I can’t go back.  When we expand to a certain point there is no going back.  And that is also a comfort to me.  What is also very very cool is that there is no ceiling to how good we can feel.  It just keeps getting better.  There is no endedness in our expansion.

And so I return home to Milwaukee to just BE and breathe and enjoy the summer.  I know there will be days when I encounter contrast but I also know how to get home again.

With love from Home, Connie

June 25th, 2010:   A message from the Eagles

I have had an ongoing relationship with eagles.  They have always fascinated me and have become a talisman for me because of their proud independence and sense of freedom I see.  Plus they are just so stunningly majestic.

I wondered what I would take from the eagles this year.  I have stories about my interface with eagles.  I had a sense that we would connect this year because it is such a pivotal point for me.  A new life.  A new way of being in the world.  This morning I received my message.

I was doing my regular journaling and meditating this morning and I was thinking about the eagles.   It also occurred to me that nearly every time I saw them they were soaring up and up and up, going in circles, not needing to flap wings but riding air currents.  I watched them several times until they became pin points of light and I marveled at the heights they reached.

At the same time that I was thinking that the thought then came to me about how when I’m feeling some negative feelings, it is good to back away mentally from the situation until the details become blurred and I can see a bigger much brighter picture.  I can remember who I am when I back up from a troubling feeling and know the All-Is-Wellness of everything.

So I thought of the eagles and my seeing them soaring over and over, and then thought about my need to back up and away from negative thoughts and feelings and then…and this brought goose bumps on my neck…I had a deep knowing that my Source had “arranged” a hook up between the eagles and me and like I said, it was a stunning moment of Knowing.  Like receiving a personal message from the Universe and one which also said we are all one

I certainly will remember this.  I have had moments like this before but not a lot of moments when I needed the message and it resonated so deeply and clearly and also knowing that it came from somewhere other that my physical being.  It was my higher Source self speaking to me directly not in words but in an idea or a block of thought.  I know we all have access to Source energy but feeling it is such an affirmation and knowing my connection with the life around me as well feels so joyful.

And so I trailer my motorcycle home tomorrow.  I’m so appreciative of the healing time here and am curious about what is coming next.

With Love, Connie

June 23rd, 2010:  Golf Course Road has been our address for our time in the north woods.  Only two days left and it is back to the city.  I’ve come to realize just how much I need the balance of nature for my soul.  The peace, the beauty, the quiet, the quiet drama played out every day.  I’d like to stay or at least it gives me a wanting to live somewhere other than a city.  While at times I enjoy the energy of the city when I am in nature I can more easily access the freedom my soul longs for.

Golf Course Road seems pretty upper crust.  There are gates with intercoms, there are long asphalt driveways and then there is our cottage.  Slumming it on Golf Course Road….the RENTERS.  I’m sure the tongues wag about what riff raff will be moving in next.  But, hey, the view is the same for all of us…Plum Lake.  And right across the lake from our little nest is the tallest tree on the lake and the home of the resident Bald Eagle.  The same one is there every year.  I don’t think they trade nests.  And this nest is awesome!  I best you could build a small cabin with the stuff of that next.

I’ve talked with the Bald Eagles for years.  This year has been a banner year for my Bald Eagle sightings and I’ve seen several groups of three flying together.  But there is just one Sistergirl on our lake.  I believe she’s a girl because she is so large and the gal eagles are larger than the males.  In past years I’ve talked with her and she has buzzed our cottage.  You may think I’m kidding but I’m not.  The other day Dudie and I were in the paddle boat and I was sending her a “come here” message and then there she was and circled us four times before I waved “bye”. 

I sometimes feel tears when I look at eagles.  They have been a talisman of mine for a long time.  Seeing them soar just lifts me and fills me…it is the freedom, you see, that we all want.  And this year I’ve found that freedom within and basked and basked and savored and basked some more.  When I get home and feel out of my Vortex I will think of my Sistergirl Eagle and see her soaring, sometimes she soars until she becomes a dot even with high power binoculars and she doesn’t flap her wings, she just rides the air currents.  I relax into that freedom energy and it is sweet.

Tonight on “the road” I was walking the dog and in the semi darkness I kept seeing little birds doing strange darting until I realized they were bats!  I think bats are rather cute but I just don’t want one ON ME!!!  HELP!  A whole different feeling from Sister Eagle.  But we all have our unique place, don’t we?

From the North Woods, With Love, Connie

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June 22, 2010:  Drama at Walgreen’s

A plane going 500 miles an hour in the air is a wonderful ride.  Put that plane on the ground at the same speed and the ride isn’t so pleasant.  That’s Abraham’s (see side panel) description of someone whose energy is riding high and then they hit a bump.  The higher the ride the bigger the bump!  Well, I bumped.  God love Walgreen’s.

I was biking into Woodruff to go to Walgreen’s and get 2 prescriptions filled.  No big deal.  Except…the first half of my north woods retreat was passed.  Saturday was the halfway point and this was Sunday and now I’m feeling some baby negative feelings about going back to Milwaukee.  Abraham would call these negative feelings contrast.  They aren’t large but my mojo had been fucked with, definitely.  I really noticed my change in energy when I rode past a doe that had been hit by a car and was lying in the ditch thoroughly dead providing food for a large congregation of black flies.

When I saw the dear I wanted to weep.  Now that was a big clue to me that I was getting away from my good feeling Vortex.  Normally I can see road kill without feeling badly about the world and understand that there is no death but a transferring of energy from one focus point to another.  Not this time.  Help, I sense trouble but on to Walgreen’s.

I take my Rx’s to the pharmacy and the nice lady looks at them,  keys them into their computer and says that according to the Walgreen’s data base, I have had no insurance since December.   WHAT!  These are prescriptions I’ve had for years and I’ve been getting them every month.   And then I had flashbacks of a clusterfuck with Walgreens over a different prescription in the fall and all of that anger and helplessness came up.

I was hanging on and the nice lady said she would call the insurane company.  OK.  I paced the aisles, blinking back tears and telling myself that this didn’t warrant tears and I must be nuts and I created this situation because I didn’t clean up my Walgreen,s issues before this and they are evidently still brewing.  Then I’m called the the pharmacy.

The nice lady says the insurance company says my insurance ended in April.  There was nothing I could do at that point.  It was clearly incorrect.  I HAD gotten new cards in May and the new cards were EXACTLY front and back the same as the old ones.  I had to pay cash for the meds and deal with the insurance company when I return home.  I was beginning to cry behind my tough biker sunglasses.  I got my meds and with leather gloves in my back pocket and bad boy boots hitting the floor I walked out.

At my bike I experienced a sort of tsu nami of anguish and I thought I might faint or disolve.  I walked and I felt like a nut case and I let that go on for about one minute and then I did an intervention on myself.  Breathe, you have been through this before, all will be figured out when I get home.  Nothing horrible has happened.  It was just a major trigger of abandonment, helplessness, powerlessness.  That was past.  You are fine.  Take the scenic way home and not wear your helmet and let your brains breathe and feel better.

I began to feel better when I got to the produce department of the grocery store in St. Germaine.  Ah, produce.  It looked so lovely and healthy and I was thinking of dinner and that I would definitely get my bearings.  I was also more accepting of the fact that, yes, I was sailing very high and fast and hit a tree going 500 mph.

I was also seeing that I needed to clean up a Walgreen’s vibration that was clearly still lingering.  Actually the Walgreens vibration was connected to the health insurance vibration that was connected to my agency merger vibration which was connected to the loss of my former life vibration.  DAMN.  There is a lot of cleaning to do.  It becomes one of those global- the- world -sucks vibrations.

The antidote for this kind of thing for me is to find the positive aspects of the situation.  So I began lists of what was positive about Walgreens all the way back to leaving my job and the positive aspects of that.  The momnent I began this I also began to feel better and the better I began to feel the better I was able to feel and on and on.

I took the bounce that the contrast had offered and expanded into a new sense of well being.  I turned the corner towards home with a fresh knowing of the value of the bumps in my expansion and vowing to squeeze the juice of the learning that came from this and what would come again this week as I begin to transition energy into embracing the part of my life that is waiting for me.

God I love the North Woods.  With Love, Connie

June 17, 2010:  Home in the Woods

I had no idea I needed a vacation until I’ve been in Wisconsin’s north woods for 5 days.  I mean in Milwaukee, I don’t have to get up to work every day and my work has been feeling as good as I can and taking the next bounce/step.  I had not been feeling all that hot for several days prior to coming here.

There is something so soothing about being in nature.  The north woods in magic.  The energy is so non resistent.  It is Source energy pure and non contrasting commin acha.  With each passing day I feel more and more at one with everything around me.  My senses are heighted this year and I’m more tuned into self.  I can really tell the difference in the me of previous years and the me now in the north woods.  I’m happy to report that I want to do absolutely nothing except listen moment to moment for what I’m wanting…no plans allowed…just what do I feel like doing now and then what do I feel like doing now.  And my days are just opening easily and I feel more and more relaxed with me.  Just waking down the road behind our cottage in the evening is magic.  The night air is cool and yet has that velvety smell of pine.  The sky is so clear with no city lights  The setting sun is stunningly pink and purple and violet against the lake.

I went out to the dock yesterday morning and there were a pair of loons not 20 feet away from me.  That is a first.  I’m enjoying a paddle boat also.  Dudie, bff dog, and I get into the boat and paddle all over the lake.  There is a resident Bald Eagle directly opposite us across the lake.  I have an ongoing relationship with her.  I believe it is a her because of her immense size and females are larger.  I sent her my thoughts before I came and asked her to “play” with me.  This afternoon we were over by her tree and I looked through the binoculars to see if there was a nest and there it was.  The size of it took my breath away and then there She was circling overhead.  She circled over us and I waved, then she flew behind the trees only to come back and circle us again.  She repeated that four times.  The next time I saw her she was so far overhead she looked tiny and I couldn’t believe how far up she was!  2,000 feet perhaps.

In earlier years I have asked her for feathers and then have gone and gotten them by her tree.  I keep them to smudge with.  I’ll likely ask her again but the timing and asking needs to come from within.

It’s so easy to feel Source all around me up here.  The energy is so dense and loving and peaceful.  Makes me consider a move.  Not necessarily here but out of the city, especially a city that is so racially divided.  I did my time on the front lines of that pain.  I’m ready to talk to eagles now.  My meditations up here are more expansive and rather that relaxing and focusing on “nothing” to empty my mind, I’m focusing on All That Is to focus my mind.  It’s words but I feel a shift to abundance rather than emptiness and it feels very much better.

In letting go to Source here in Northern Wisconsin I feel caught in the arms of my Source.  I’m held securely.  I can let go.  There is so little contrast here to distract me from feeling held.  And I like the idea of held securely as well.  I’ve never felt so safe and the better I feel the better I feel and I also know that my future is assured.

Ta ta for now.  With love, Connie

June 14, 2010:   The Happy Biker

I just came back from the road, bugs in my teeth.  I purposefully shunned the use of my helmet this ONE time because I swear I needed to feel the wind in my hair…and I did.  This two lane forest road… put the bike into 5th gear and just let the wind slam me for awhile and I feel alive!  On my way home it began to rain and I had my  helmet on and just felt happy dodging the drops.

When I returned to the cottage I discovered Dudie, my bff dog, was having a growling stand off with some grey fur on the ground and I frantically went over to see and there was this small grey squirrel face down doing nothing but kind of pushing itself along on its stomach head first.  Dudie, my fierce Bichon/Lhasa hunter was kind of wanting to play and wasn’t getting the response he had hoped for.  I can’t imagine that he had actually caught a squirrel.  He’s not the killer Teddy Bear.  I picked him up and brought him in but now every time he wants to go out he will just be sucked to that same spot.  I wonder if the squirrel was playing at being half dead?  Ya think?  I want to feel sorry for the squirrel and I must remember that we humans have a very warped view of death…like it is something horrible, not the leap into the wonderful expansion of everything we have lived and become all in one fell swoop.  People who have lived near death experiences don’t want to come back it is so wonderful except that they feel something undone or that they are needed still and so they return.  But animals come and go and come and go.  It’s no big deal.  They like new bodies!

I love this country in the north woods.  It just smells like pine velvet.  I woke feeling rather wobbly and then I could feel myself taking the bounce.  With the contrast I was feeling the past few days I couldn’t seem to take the bounce being called forth with the expansion I had taken.  I felt stuck in contrast and it was not the appreciative experience that Abraham (see side panel) would like me to have.  When we feel anything negative, we can know that we have in that moment that we have already asked to feel better and the greater non physical piece of us has aready become that better feeling aspect but we feel crumby because we haven’t taken the bounce yet.

I didn’t know how or where to bounce.  This morning I got it.  My bounce feels like an inner bounce this time.  I was being called to take an inner bounce…go inside and expand more deeply withing.  It was not an outward expansion like I usually feel but going more inside.  So I did that.  Sinking, and relaxing down and then the bells rang for me.  I took the bounce and could become the happy biker.

Now I want to integrate this inner bounce a bit more because I can feel the newness of it…like an energy wave I haven’t felt before…a new muscle to learn how to use.  It does involve a letting go of putting so much importance on physical reality.  It’s just not as important as its cracked up to be.  Most of our “selves” are non physical and reside in non physical and yet we seem to think that our physical reality is the be all and end all. 

Our perceptions of physical reality are changing at a macro level however.  Look at the movies that are coming around.  The Twilight series, Harry Potter, Avatar.  We are beginning to get it and can’t seem to get enough.  There is more here than was cracked up to be!  Amen to that.

Signing off from the north woods with love, Connie

June 13th, 2010:  “Up North”

I’m sitting on a large screened porch looking at the lake on a cool day.  Just saw two gaggles of baby ducks following the shoreline in search of delicacies for lunch.  My bff dog, Dudie is standing watch on the whole thing.  I swear to God he smiles a lot when we are up here.  He gets to roam wild like freedom seeking creature he is and goes to the door and races around and comes back triumphant to sit in Mom’s lap to get refueled for the next adventure.

With such a backdrop of serenity and beauty I was hoping ftofind my Vortex again and feeling more at one with the whole deal.  My energy went south several days ago after the best feeling time of my life, seriously, and that is maddening.  I want to throw a fit!  And then I hear Abraham (see side panel) in my ear telling me to make peace with where I am and to begin to appreciate the contrasting experiences in my life more.  Geeeez, I’m trying but…

Actually this morning while I was doing my focus work and journaling I received some guidance that encouraged me to go more deeply inside of me and to let go of externals a bit more.  It’s as if we are all looking at a play outside of us and the real deal is going on at a vibrational energetic level which is internal and much larger than what our physical eyes can manage.

I know I’ve been on the verge of stretching myself and taking the bounce from the contrast I was experiencing.  But there is some fear there…fear of letting go…letting go of what?  Letting go of externals to prop me up and taking the plunge for a deeper connection with my inner being.  Putting my complete faith and trust in my Source and not worrying about the details.  That’s it, of course.  And as I experienced such peace in the thought I was soothed too by the perfect timing of this trip.  Now that wasn’t an accident.  Coming up to God’s playground at the time when I most needed to slow down and be quiet, at one with All That Is.  It is no accident that I’ve arrived here just when my need to let go is greatest. 

It’s as if I’m hearing, go on, you can take the jump, look around you, I’m everywhere to catch you.  This is one of my favorite places in the world…along withFlorence, Venice, any Princess ship, and on and on.  But my soul feels at home here.  And I brought my motorcycle with me.  Picture me and my bff dog riding.  He even has little doggie goggles, called doggles.  Cute!

I’ll try to get a pic of Dudie and me riding on the site here.  And I’m glad I have this way to stay connected with you and focus my thoughts as well.  Thank you for your comments.  They mean the world to me.  So, I have this outward beauty to gaze upon and an inner reality to sink into more fully.  Both are beautiful. 

Signing off from the pine trees for now, with love, Connie

June 9, 2010:  Contrast Shmontrast

I have been allowing the flow of the Source within me to feeling contrast back and forth and back and forth and feeling very frustrated.  I’m also listening to Abraham as I write (see side panel) and they say that when feeling disappointed with myself I can just make peace with where I am.  It’s difficult to make peace with a place you’re not wanting to be.

I don’t like it and it is SO far away from feeling the energy of love that I REALLY don’t like it.  How so I make peace with this?  The answer seems to lie in my eyes and the release of tears.  I don’t want to cry, dammit.  I want to feel good.  But I also don’t want to beat up on myself either.  I don’t want to become the abusive parent.

It’s a warm day and my body sweats very easily these days.  That’s such an attractive quality.  Feeling about 15 pounds overweight, sweaty and weepy. 

I’ve been packing to go up north.  I believe that this going, this trip is a trigger for many feelings.  I love the north woods.  I love the smell of pine trees, the crystal clear water, the call of the loons, the bald eagles, and most of all the amazing quiet.  I can sit on the porch and watch the hummingbirds and just hear the breeze in the trees and the pounding of tiny wings.

But this year is different.  I’m different.  My family is different.  My daughter is not coming.  She has the opportunity to have the house to herself and would rather stay and enjoy her own solitude.  Also I think this may be the last year I go to this cottage for a number of reasons.  My life is changing and I’m letting go.  As I picture being in the cottage it is a bittersweet feeling.

But contrast calls me to take the expansion, take the bounce and expand to a new place.  I don’t seem to be ready to do that today, not at this hour.  Maybe in a few hours, maybe tomorrow.  Until then I will endeavor to give myself a break.  I know I will come into alignment again and when I do it will feel delicious.

And so it is.  With love, Connie

June 7, 2010:  Choose a Lens

I will be going to the north woods of Wisconsin on Saturday for 2 weeks.   It is something I look forward to from year to year and I was hoping that since I’ve been feeling so good that my time up there would be extra good this year.  But the skies of my heart were feeling partly cloudy about the whole thing…and I was not able to bat it away…until…I remembered that I can choose how I view any situation.  I can decide which lens to pick up and put on.  It’s so simple and so powerfully profound.

So, feeling the contrast of those partly cloudy skies, I picked up the opportunity and took the bounce.  In other words, by my feeling something that might get in the way of a really great time, I had already asked, vibrationally, for a wonderful time.  Ask and it is given.  So my wonderful time already exists vibrationally and the reason I’m feeling contrast is because I’m not lined up with what I’m wanting, so I can take the bounce and line up. 

How do I line up?  Well I’ll tell you.  I took the things I was particularly concerned about and made a list of positive aspects about each of them.  For example, I know that this may be the last time I go to this particular place and I felt sad about that and so I make a list of how that is a positive thing.  It’s positive because I’m changing and becoming more the person I want to be and something better will be going on.  I’m breaking into new territory.  Also, I’ve had to change north woods locations before and found another neat place that was better in many respects that the previous one.  Even the feeling of the “opportunity” to take a new bounce feels delicious, coming into alignment with who I truly an feels wonderful and on and on.  I did this with everything I was concerned about and ended up ready to have a great time.

It’s a choice but we forget that so often.  We are trained into believing that something other than ourselves has control over us…that there are others to blame for how we feel.  We are first told that by Mother who says that we need to make her happy by behaving in a way that is pleasing to her.  And so it goes.

So, we can become aware of the fact that we have a lens box with an infinite number of lenses in it that we can apply…or not.  It is a choice.

What a nice way to open a week knowing you have choice.   With Love, Connie

June 5, 2010:  Enjoying Contrast?  Shut Up!

Somewhere along the line contrast has gotten a bad rap.  You know what contrast is?  It is those inevitable things in our lives from people to events to whatever that cause us to experience negative emotion.   But without contrast we wouldn’t know from positive emotion.

It’s really not that uncommon for people to see contrast or “problems” as a failure of some sort so if something occurs that is unwanted we can feel defeated or unworthy.  But, hey, contrast is why we came here in the first place.  We sift through contrast to find out what it is we DO want and then if we can focus on that we can create it for ourselves.

But easier said than done, right?  I understood this intellectually for a long time but whenever I experienced some negative emotion I still didn’t like it and was relieved when it passed.  Abraham (see side panel) says that we can come to appreciate contrast for what it offers us.  Yeah, right.  That’s the way they open their seminars…asking the audience if they are enjoying the contrast they are experiencing….there is some uncomfortable laughter always.  Nobody is buying it.

I’ve had some of the best feeling days of my life in the past week.  The best way I can describe it is the feeling of freedom…of flying…of elation.  So yesterday I had lunch with a close friend and I shared with him how I had been feeling and a wee voice inside said…be careful, if you say it out loud it will go away.  And the seed was planted.

The rest of the day I had this cobweb over my mojo and it didn’t leave.  Rats…contrast.  And I knew where it had started but just tried to ignore it and maybe it will go away.

So, this morning I wake up and do my usual focus wheel to raise my vibration and I began thinking about yesterday and how I had experienced contrast because I wasn’t trusting myself on that deep level with my friend and then I knew I could just take the bounce so to speak and expand into the person that CAN share openly and lovingly because that’s who I really am….and I DID it.  Not only did I do it but in the process I was very aware that I would not be feeling so great again had it not been for the contrast.  I actually was appreciative of the contrast as I was feeling it.

Now that’s a first for me.  And granted it wasn’t the death of a child but it was contrast nevertheless and I embraced it.  So there!  I know this will take practice but I’m down for it.

With love, Connie