Vision Keeping

May 7th, 2010:  Remembering What I Know

It was raining frogs this morning.  Gloomy.  Cold.  I feel my brain still wired for tears and I want to cry but mostly I know it’s a dead end to start the water works and more than that the tears tend to acquire a life of their own.  I try to steer myself away from tears unless it’s a must do. 

In this case I make the usual coffee, and, God, that tastes good.  I begin a focus wheel to shift my vibration up to feeling better.   A focus wheel refresher….I have a large piece of blank paper and draw a large circle in the middle.  I begin at about 1:00 and write a sentence about how I’m feeling right now that sucks.  So I write I’m feeling depressed, teary and lonely. 

Then, and this is a really important step, in circle in the middle of the paper I write what I want to feel.  Everything has two components, that which is wanted and that which is NOT wanted.  So in the circle I write I feel wonderful in the knowing that the Universe has my back and that everything that comes to me is timed in a perfect way.  I feel so safe in the knowing the perfection of the arrival of what I want but also the perfection of any contrast (negativity) that I’m feeling.

Then having established those two points of what is wanted and what is not wanted I begin at 2:00 and proceed around the “clock” writing statements that come closer and closer to the middle statement.  It’s important that these statements are accurate vibrations of what you are saying or the whole exercise is bogus.

So, I begin with “I often have periods of doubting or feeling depressed but they don’t last long.”  Great, now for 3:00 – “I know that these periods are coming with less intensity and I have more and more confidence that I can focus myself into feeling better.”   And so on…I know that every time I’ve felt depressed and then feel better I learn important things about myself.  “I’m always struck by the perfect timing of what occurs to me.”  “I ask for guidance and guidance always comes to me.”  Do as many statements that you want until you reach the feeling of the circle statement.

I use the focus wheel nearly every morning to ramp up my energy.  Even when I’m feeling fairly good I can always feel better and it’s an excellent practice to focus.  Focusing is the key tool in creating what you want in your life.

It’s so good to remember what I know.  It has swerved the bus away from the cliff a number of times lately.

With Love, Connie

May 6, 2010:  The Next Logical Step

Abraham (see side panel) says that when changes come to your life and you are living in the Vortex, they just seem like the next logical step.  Not an action…this herculean effort to produce something…but allowing something, the next logical step to emerge.  I’ve seen the next logical step for me and I’m really pleased.

For so long I couldn’t see the next logical step because I was just trying to stand up again.  To get on my feet, to even want to do a next logical step.  I didn’t feel like doing anything and nothing was emerging on my radar screen.  It was a waiting period.  But just now after the check that wasn’t a check happened (look at previous entry) I see the next logical step taking shape. 

 And it is a “taking shape” rather than an event.  A taking shape.  Going on the road trip to the Grand Canyon has ignited my interest.  I imagine being at the North Rim and maybe camping somewhere, driving through northern New Mexico, walking the streets of Santa Fe, planning what to take, gathering lots of information about what and where to see natures wonders.

At the same time my friend and I continue to meet about putting my creating-your-own-reality curriculum fully on paper.  I’ve been talking about much of it here over the past weeks and months.  A lot of the curriculum is Abraham, some of it is me, some of it is Louise Hay.  It’s a curriculum I began using at my work place with staff and then with consumers.  It was a joy for me to teach.

Then my life changed drastically and I found myself actually needing the very same curriculum to help me create the life I want.  That’s what it is about and now I needed to put my money where my mouth had been…big time.  Well, I’ve been doing it.  That’s largely what the purpose of this website has been….to write about creating my new life.  And it’s coming.

So back to writing the curriculum.  I’ve changed it so much, re thought it and finally I realized that I could not write it like other curriculae.  Abraham says that you cannot download learning, that you learn through experience.  You don’t learn from absorbing data, you learn organically from doing.  That’s the most powerful and important kind of learning.  You can learn how to put a table together by reading instructions but people are a bit more complicated.

I had been planning to write the curriculum in sections oulining what would be “taught” during each of the 8 sessions.  But then it dawned on me that if I were going to write this curriculum with the integrity it deserves that I”m going to write it as I lived it, weaving my own path over the past year with each of the teaching points.   Add some references and worksheets with each chapter and I think it will live.

So, breathing life into my writing as well as breathing life into my traveling has opened up the next moves for me.  New directions are coming from a life that was best described as getting my wind back again.  Now I can begin to set sail.   And as I promised myself, I would not “do” anything that I didn’t feel inspired to do from the inside.  This is not a should or a filling time but a genuine calling from me to me.  And because of that I can trust that it will lead to the next thing and the next thing and the next.  Living life from the heart with joy.  It SO feels good.

With Love, Connie

May 2nd, 2010:  More than a Check

There was a knock on my door, I thought.  Dudie thought so too but when I looked out there was no one there.  When we left I noted a Fed Ex envelope on the floor by the door.  I grabbed in on my way out and when I got to my car I opened the envelope.  Inside there was just a check made out to me for over $3,000 and nothing else.  It was from a place in California.  Strange but fun!

I looked this place up on line and there was  phone number that I called.  An Asian man answered and we were having trouble communicating but I did get that he wanted me to call back when the accountant was in.

Something didn’t feel right in my belly.  I didn’t want to have to struggle to give this money back.  Something (besides greed) told me to just bank it and wait and see.  So I did.  I didn’t record the deposit on my check log so it was hidden and I could easily give it back?

What was this?  I really had no idea but I know that nothing is an accident so I just planned to enjoy and let it be what it was for the time being.  I really liked the idea of the Universe just sending me a check, especially from out of nowhere.

In the next couple of days I was thinking about the money and I had an idea which excited me.  I wanted to take a road trip with Dudie (bff dog) down through Colorado into Utah and then Arizona to see the Grand Canyon.  I’ve never been.  Then I would go back home through New Mexico which I love, through Santa Fe which I love and then across the corner of Colorado and across Kansas, my home state, visit a friend, see Abraham in Kansas City and come home.  Wow.  The money would be enough.  I was psyched and felt the strong pull to do this…like my own personal outback kind of thing.  Maybe I would do some camping.  It was sounding better all the time.

Last night I was going through a bunch of mail.  There was what I thought was my bank statement.  I casually opened it and learned that the “my” check had been “returned to maker”.  I don’t know how this is possible but I will find out.  I would have given the money back but I didn’t think that they could just go into my bank account and take money after a deposit.  Interesting.

I really wasn’t that upset.  I really didn’t think that the money was mine but my impluse was to see it played out.  I was disappointed initially at thinking the Universe had sent me this great gift and then took it back.  But was the gift really the money?

No, I don’t think so.  I think the gift was the idea for the road trip.   I’m certain I would not have thought of that trip without the check being there prodding me to spend it.

So the Universe did give me a gift.  It was there for me.  I had such an impulse to deposit the check and then the pull for this trip is great as well.  I will follow my guidance.  Can’t do much better than that!  Having the money “go away” and knowing it gave me the idea for the trip really made the gift seem even more special to me.  Yea!

With Love, Connie