Vision Keeping

April 30th, 2010:  Keeping On

It’s evening.  I don’t usually write in the evening but I wanted to.  Earlier today I helped a neighbor get his sick cat to the Vet.  He was visably upset and clearly needed some support and I was glad to give it.  3 hours later when we were finally on our way home and the sky looked yukky and the weather was curiously warm and I was feeling so tight in my jeans and the Vortex spit me out.

What I do know about being spit out of that good feeling place is that I am feeling what is called contrast.  Contrast is that feeling that is not what you want to feel.  What I also know is that automatically I’m shooting off thoughts of wanting to feel better…get my ass back into the Vortex better.  And what I also know is to do that I need to soothe myself.  I can do that by accepting where I am…just not feeling so hot.

Then to soothe me I can think of how far I’ve come in the past few weeks and how well I’ve been doing and how I’ve been able to stay or return to the Vortex with very little effort.  Because of Law of Attraction if I can continue to think of good thoughts, more good thoughts will come, like I’m thinking about the road trip I’m planning for September, the friend I will be seeing tomorrow, the  movie I plan to see tomorrow, the comfort of my bed, the amazing opportunity I have now to just “be” and not have to go to work every day.  I can also know that I will be in the Vortex soon because I’m feeling better already and then I think of the fact that I know the Universe has my back and that so many possibilities are in my future and I know that it is going to be good.  I know this because it already has been good.  Yesterday I made a list of things I’ve manifested since I left my job last spring and I was amazed at the good things that I’ve created in my life during a time when I was really struggling. 

And so I feel much better, thank you very much.  I don’t know if I’m Vortex material just now but I trust contrast more.   It creates that opportunity to stretch myself into a new place and when I feel that I’m sucked right into the Vortex!

So, I proofed what I’ve written so far and in the process the Vortex just sucked me right in.  Yes!  The next time you don’t feel so hot try purposefully to focus yourself into a better feeling place.  It’s not rocket science and it’s the key to creating the life you want.

With love, Connie

April 28th, 2010:  The Vortex…the What?

The Buddhists say that this life is an illusion, a dream.  I remember hearing that and not knowing what that meant.  It had some resonance with me but I still did not understand.  Now I believe I’m much closer but it does challenge life as I knew it to be.

To hear what Abraham (see side panel) says about reality and vibrational reality can really rattle you cage.  I remember when I first read something that challenged my current belief about reality as I knew it.  I was about 27 and I was introduced to Edgar Cayce.  There have been volumes written by this man who was I believe blue collar worker who was a channel.  People would come to him with disease or some ailment and he would go into a trance and give them what they needed to do to heal.  Sometimes he would speak in a language unknown to him.  Sometimes he would speak of healing methods thousands of years old.    Much of the knowledge he retrieved was completely unknown by the man named Edgar Cayce.  Needless to say his knowledge was authenticated and his medical successes documented rigorously.

I read about Edgar Cayce for awhile and then I couldn’t read anymore.  It had just rocked my boat a bit too much and I had to put him down.  It took me years to digest and become comfortable with a different view of what I had considered “real”.  Because my spiritual path has developed over the course of about 25 to 30 years the idea that we are vibrational beings isn’t strange to me.  It seems reasonable.  Even the idea of a vibrational Vortex where all of our future dreams are held is not, at this point in my life seem “off the wall to me” understanding that thoughts are real and that we create our “thought dreams” and through Law of Attraction they are held for us in a sort of vibrational escrow or the Vortex.

But I imaging some people reading this will just chock this off to a “weirdo” and never come back to the site.  And then through Law of Attraction there will be those people who find this site who will get it.   Then there may be my family members who want to read this and had and idea that I was a bit “out there” but not this “out there”.  Whatever.

For me accepting that what I see as tangible as “real” and knowing that it is merely vibration and changeable and because it is vibration that has manifested it is past tense in a way.  Now take that one in.  The reality that we see looking out the window or looking around us is past tense?  That is really something.  What is really present tense in vibrational terms is what is in the Vortex.  That is even more present.  We may not be able to see it but we can feel it.  How do you know if you are feeling it.  You feel DAMN GOOD.  And after you feel that good, and your good feeling vibrations rise to match what is in your Vortex, then your dreams will manifest.

And after your dreams manifest you move onto new things and new ideas and new dreams and new stretching into new vibrations which will manifest and that is how we ensure eternity.   We, as human beings, create new energy, new thought energy which grows and grows and grows and we expand the Universe in that way.  This is just so amazing I’m done.

I must say that really embracing this meant letting go of life as I had known it to be and when I walked away from my job that I had for 32 years into a pit of loss I also felt the loss of a reality as I had known it to be and living with the powerful Vortex.  Would I go back?  Never.  I couldn’t if I wanted to.

With Love, Connie

April 27th, 2010:  Living in the Vortex

I remember all of those days last summer and last fall when I would write that I woke up afraid.  Now after much work in learning how to focus, my general energetic “set point” has raised and I can wake to feeling extremely good…in the Vortex very quickly.

We are vibrational beings.   We can literally feel each other’s vibration.  You know what it’s like to walk into a room and it just feels varying degrees of “off”  to funky.  Or it can feel good.  When someone is depressed or angry you don’t have to hear them, you can feel the negative vibrations.

When buying a house, even before I was into Abraham or any of this stuff I distinctly remember walking into a house that just didn’t feel right.  The people that lived there weren’t happy.  It was palpable.  Now if I’d really adored the house there are ways to cleanse houses/spaces of poor energy but that’s another topic.

When we bought my current house we walked in and it felt right.  It is a victorian home built in the early 1900’s and you can just tell there was a lot of love in this house.

Negative vibrations are more dense and a lower vibration.  Positive vibrations are lighter and faster.  Lots of times when people feel better they feel lighter or as if a weight was lifted.  This is real.

I wake up now and the way to get used to this new lighter, faster vibration is to milk it.  Just stay in it and enjoy the hell out of it.  Think of things that feel good that will amplify the good feelings, like my dream of a new home, my trip to New Zealand next January, thinking about a rode trip this summer to the mountains.  That amps up the good feelings and I just sit and soak it in. 

Then I begin noticing more whether I’m staying in the vortex.  I’m wanting to be in it as much as I can.  Besides just feeling amazingly good, when you’re in the Vortex, your dreams begin to manifest.  I thought of the Christian verse that matches this.  “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else shall be added unto you.”  Bingo.  That makes goose bumps on me.  Also Jesus’ statement that “The kingdom of God is within.”  Mary Magdalene knew this as well.  She was the only apostle who got it that the kindom is internal.  Elaine Pagel has written a great deal about the Gospel of Mary.  Because this idea that God is in all of us was so threatening to church leaders, it did not become part of official Church teachings after the Council of Nicea.

So living in the Vortex is living as close to Love as we can and that definitely feels great.  I don’t consciously think of it as love but that it just feels so good and anything negative can throw me right out of the Vortex.

So, the part about dreams coming true when you’re living in the vortex…let me just say that money, and not just pennies, has been showing up in the most amazing ways.  Men are beginning to email me on Match., I’m noticing interesting things develop in my world.

And the most amazing part of the deal is the better it gets the better it gets.

With love from the Vortex, Connie

PS  My daughter says we ought to have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you’re in the Vortex!”

April 26th, 2010:  The Vortex

What is this Vortex I’ve mentioned?  To get the full rendition of the Vortex buy a copy of The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks and Abraham.  I’d like to tackle a shorter version for me and hopefully for you.

We are vibrational beings.  Science has actually proven that the smallest particle of matter is thought and have done a bunch of fascinating research to show that a change in thought changes matter as well.  So all is vibration and we vibrationally interpret the world around us by taking in images and processing those vibrations in our brains, etc.

Everything is thought before it exists.  You have to think about something before it comes about…that’s not hard to imagine when one thinks of inventions and plans and goals.  But matter exists as thought first before it manifests.  Now that’s a large idea and worth pursuing and there are plenty of resources to help guide you.  What the Bleep Do We Know is an excellent place to start.  It is understandable but pithy and amazing.

So, all is vibration before it is manifest.   Every time we are sick we want to feel better and we launch a thought of “I want to feel better”.  When we are needing money we launch a thought of “I want more money”.  Thoughts are matter as well and all of our individual thoughts go into what can be called our vibrational escrow accounts or our Vortex of creation.

You may have heard of vision boards.  People will create a collage of everything they want and find years later that they have nearly everything on the board that they were wanting.  That is a very common story these days among Law of Attraction people.  Everything that you are wanting exists in your Vortex.

The next question is how can things that I want manifest?  The easiest way to answer this is to refer back to the basic law of the Universe…The Law of Attraction…that which is like unto itself is drawn.  To manifest what you are wanting you, your physical body, must match the vibration of what you are wanting that exists in your Vortex of creation.  If you want a house on a lake or unlimited financial resources, your own present vibration must match that vibration of how that feels in the Vortex.  How does it feel to have that which is wanted?  It feels wonderful.  Do you believe you can have whatever you want?  Can you sustain that wonderful feeling?  Do you feel that it’s nice to think about but I don’t really think I’ll get it.  Then you won’t.  Your vibration of being must match your Vortex.   You must feel “as if” you have that which is wanted and it must come to you.  Sustaining a wonderful feeling vibration of getting what you want, even though you don’t know how it will come, where it will come from or who will bring it, is challenging.

This takes time and practice and it’s what I’ve been doing for years, really.  And I promise you it does work.    Most of us are so lazy in our focus that we let whatever is in front of us dictate how we are feeling and then we wonder why we don’t feel so hot.  Focus.  It’s all about focus.  And that does take commitment.  And the truth is that most people would rather feel bad that risk feel good.  Our culture thrives on fear which is the opposite of the energy of the Universe, Love.

So it’s the Vortex for me these days and now that I’m finally here more of the time I can’t go back.

With Love, Connie

April 23rd, 2010:  Keep the Faith

I saw a friend for lunch whom I had not seen for several weeks.  She remarked on how good I looked and how well I’m doing.  I am doing well. 

You know the most challenging thing for me is just to keep believing in what I’ve believed all during this writing…that I create my own reality and it’s not by doing anything special, it’s by knowing what I want and by feeling good and allowing the Universe to deliver it to me.  I don’t have to do anything but feel good in the knowing that All Is Well.

Because most of our culture believes that one must work hard to “achieve” what we want this hasn’t been an easy thing to do for me.  But I’ve learned and am learning so much that we don’t have to do anything and that life is supposed to be fun.  Also that when we ask it is given.   Now is the time of awakening, of remembering who we truly are, Source energy in physical bodies who came here to create and expand into new places and to have a good time doing it.

We will create what we believe.  Our beliefs are only things we keep telling ourselves over and over and our beliefs create our reality.

So for the past months I’ve been focusing on believing…believing that I’m worthy even without a job, believing that I can receive what I’m wanting by feeling better and better and that the Universe will bring me what I’m wanting when the time is right.  It always has and when I’m actually becoming more deliberate about it , why would it be any different now?

Not working in this culture is difficult.  It’s difficult to feel worthy and not be “doing”.  But I’m getting there.  Someone asked me the other day, “What are you doing?”  And for the first time in a long time I said “I’m having a good time waiting to see what will come up next?”  And I meant it.  Good for me.

I had an appointment with my accountant yesterday that I had not been exactly looking forward to.  I have been supporting myself since this past November when my golden parachute hit the ground.  But I found out that my portfolio had actually grown overall even with the payments to me for support.  Thanks, Universe.

Truly, All is Well.  With Love, Connie

April 22nd, 2010:  New Air

I believe I’ve shifted gears.  I’m getting used to new air.  In my last entry I was talking about riding new energy.  Well, it’s still there and with it I’m learning how to breathe new air.  I wake up and feel a lot of energy which, at other times, I would have been thrown off into the bushes and felt fear.

But now that I’m riding the crest of the wave I’m breathing more deeply and inhaling more air.  Years ago I was attending my first and only sweat lodge.  We were out in the woods in rural Wisconsin and by a river where a sweat lodge had been built on private land.  The first part of the evening was spent in gathering rather large stones and then building the fire hot enough to really may the stones glow red.  That takes awhile.  There was a lot of talk around the fire and since this was my first time I was nervous and was shrinking back from the fire because it was so hot.  The lodge leader kept telling me to breathe more deeply.  I didn’t do it but kept being bothered by the heat and moving back from the fire.  About the third time she told me she said it firmly, breathe deeply! 

I got the message and consciously began breathing deeply and the heat quit bothering me.  I was amazed.  I don’t know how that was.  Could it be that the energy within me equalized when I breathed more deeply and so I didn’t feel the heat?

I thought of that story when I felt so much energy inside me.  Breathe deeply.  It works.  I could absorb the anxiety and even myself and ride/steer myself solidly from within.

After finding these fresh energy legs I’ve been feeling good and also feeling like I’m ready for something to happen.  I waked Dudie (bff dog) yesterday afternoon and was telling myself that I think I was ready for something to happen.  About one hour later I went online and discovered that through Match.com someone had written me who actually seemed like a viable lead on my partner quest.  That blew me away.  Someone actually emailed ME.  I had been out there emailing guys from Alaska to Hawaii to Florida usually with no reply or a thanks, but no thanks.   (Oh, I did receive a nice email from a 28 year old lad who thought I was sexy but I thanked him for the boost and turned him down.)

But, I am ready and breathing and someone knocked on my door.  We shall see.  And now is where the breathing is REALLY important!

With Love, Connie

April 20th, 2010:  Hold On and Ride

So for a baby recap.  I’ve been feeling really good and then more contrast which is a natural part of being alive.  You feel good and then something comes up that exhibits in negative emotion.  This last go around I was feeling SO not good yesterday that I could not help my tears.   I think the build up was cumulative.  Some funky disappointments of stupid Match.com.  Then my daughter experiencing some man related pain.  Are we sensitive in this area?  Duh.

I’ve become a bit suspect of my tears.  There is an addictive quality to them that I don’t trust on face value so when I feel like I want to cry I do ask myself if this feels like feeding the monster which has an underlying message for me that I’m defective in some way or do I simply need to let off some steam.  I’d been holding out for a couple of days but then they just came.

I woke up feeling deep wanting of an intimate relationship and community, of wanting some movement towards these things.  And the flood came and with it I could take with me further knowing of my NOT having a defect which was good.  I went back to trusting the timing of the Universe and all will be revealed in its own time.  And in between that time and this time I will focus on feeling good.  That’s the work.  And not bad work I’d say.

Today I feel great energy and if I worked at it I could mutate that into tears but I’d rather not.  I think my energy/power has frightened me in the past and I can hide in tears but today I don’t think so.  One time when a woman was doing an energy reading on me in San Diego some years ago she was rather astonished and said my energy was as if I were riding three stallions and sometimes it could be tricky to get them all going in the same direction.   I felt some resonance with this.  No wonder!!

So today I decided to ride.  I feel the energy.  It’s hard to describe energy but I feel it…like a subtle whirling internally that could pull me off my square but I’m just keeping a focus that all is well and that I’m right on track.  So far I feel really good about that.

I know that this is “my next thing” at the moment…just riding my energy and getting used to it and not feeling afraid of myself.  I know I’m vibrating at a faster rate that I was a year ago and as I stretch into the person that I’ve become I need to get used to  different aspects of me.  Whereas anxiety used to take care of much of my energy…burn it off as that emotion…I want to get used to no being afraid of the full energetic me and riding, hair in the wind, sun on my face.  Let’s go!

With Love, Connie

April 16th, 2010:  A New Chapter

Does something have to end before something new begins?  I balked at saying something has ended.  Has anything ended?  As I think about it something has ended.  Old perceptions and beliefs about myself have ended…if not ended they are clearly in remission. 

I have decided to know what I know.  I have decided that I am not defected, if that’s a word.  And I’ve decided that I can do this.   I had been operating I’d say for my entire life as if those statements were not true, or that the opposite was true.  That left me with sometime crippling anxiety and a lot of time on the hamster wheel in my brain.

Having accepting new beliefs I’m beginning a new chapter.  I knew this several days ago but was not ready to proclaim it yet.  I needed that truth just to be my own for awhile.  But as I journaled this morning I thought, okay, now that I’m in a new chapter, I’ve made it to San Diego…what’s next?

I had an immediate answer.  Enjoy a much richer being in the now.  I am feeling the joy of being alive and I want to really embrace this way of being.  I want to relax more into my now knowing that the Universe adores me, has my back and that more will be revealed as the time is right.  With each day of feeling good I know more that this is true.  The better it gets the better it gets.

And I get my motorcycle back from its winter storage today or tomorrow.  What a great way to celebrate a new chapter.  Get on that baby and ride!

Have a wonderful day today.  With Love, Connie

April 15th, 2010:  Molding the Clay in San Diego

Waking up in the morning is a pleasant experience now.  I remember months and even years when that was not the case.  Waking has run the gamut from being frustrating to frightening.  Now for several days running it has been pleasant and has gone from pleasant to feeling really good after a wonderful relaxing meditation.

Usually when I’ve felt good I have this gnawing feeling that it won’t last and I’ll fall.  That isn’t the case but this morning I wasn’t feeling quite as good as before and it was enough to invite the hamster wheel of doubt to being the squeaky turning.  But I’m glad to report I turned down the invitation.

Instead I decided that I would explore San Diego…or in other words, explore my new arrival point of feeling more solid.  After all we are never finished growing.  We are vibrational beings who are constantly expanding.  So we will eternally have the situation where we feel completion of a creation or of the arrival at a destination only to begin the next journey.

I used to feel an anxiety at the start of the next journey.  The anxiety came, I believe, at knowing I cannot control situations,  even my natural tendency to want to expand and grow.  I can try to shut this down but it will only leave me anxious and angry.  I’ve seen so many older people who are just angry.  It’s their attemps at trying to control the uncontrollable and that can get very frustrating.

So rather than feel anxiety I feel curious and even an excitement.  That came with “taking the bounce” of the contrast this morning.  I was not feeling as good as I had the past few days, saw it as some contrast that causes me to ask for feeling better.  Then took that bounce into feeling better.

You see that if we ask it is always given.  So, if I don’t feel as good as I would like I automatically ask for something better and Source/Universe/God immediately gives us what we want in vibrational form.  Then it’s up to us to be a vibrational match to what we have asked for.  Taking the vibrational bounce is me expanding into what I’ve asked for.

Feeling myself do that…expand into something better… is wonderful.  It’s molding the clay.  It’s why we came here.  You might say, yes, but where’s the stuff, the money the house, the job.  The manifestations will come.  I have no doubt.  They already are coming.  My job is to know that they exist in my vibrational escrow account and I just have to line up my energy to match what I’ve aske for and Law of Attraction will bring it to me.

So, my job is feeling good…feeling as if… 

That’s saying a lot and is essentially a recap of everything I’ve talked about since I began this writing in November.  It’s just so gratifying to finally see more of what I’ve been asking for in ways that are really affirming big time for me.

I take the bounce.  With Love, Connie

April 14th, 2010:  Hello San Diego

Abraham (see side panel) talks about growing and feeling consistently more positive.  They have described this growth or change process as a journey, a road trip.  They said that Jerry and Esther Hicks have traveled many times from Phoenix to San Diego.  The drive involves a long trip through the desert.  If you compare the trip to the growth process they say that many people would be halfway to San Diego and then get frustrated because they are not in San Diego and so give up and go back to Phoenix.

My growth process has, over the past several months and even looking back over the past years has involved returning to Phoenix.  For so long I’ve wanted to feel good consistently and every time I hit a good feeling period I fear that I can’t sustain it and, of course, I don’t because I create out of my beliefs.  I would crash and feel shitty.  I returned to Phoenix so to speak.  And the whole process begins again.

Over this past year I’ve been feeling better and then crashed.  This has been a process that has helped me grow but always with a crash at the end.  Well, something has happend which I’ve described earlier about knowing what I know.  And making a decision.  I did make a decision to know what I know and I began to feel better and then over the weekend I began to feel more solid and I can say now that it feels to me at an internal level that I have arrived in Phoenix.  Ta-dah. 

I feel solid and good and wake up and can meditate myself into a Vortex of well being that feels amazing.  I kept listening to Abraham when they would say that it takes practice of again and again turning my focus to what feels better.  Practicing feeling good over and over and over and over until it finally clicks in.   I think my vibrational self has finally stabilized at a level that feels much better and finally feels normal.

Abraham says we are born to feel good and that life is supposed to be fun.  That goes against so much of what I was taught that it’s taken awhile to internalize different beliefs.

I’m finally knowing that this will be the best phaze of my life and I’m not afraid.  I don’t pretend that I will never have another doubt again but I can feel that my “set point” of normal has raised considerable.  It’s not as if I’ve never felt this good before but I’ve never felt this confident before that I can sustain it more evenly.  I’m hoping the roller coaster is fading for me and I can expect more consistency.  I’ve wanted this my entire life.  I’ve had it at one other point in my adult life…when I first began taking anti-depressants.  But that time is over and I’m different and I’m requiring more now.  And it feels good to have gotten here on my own focus.

I will keep you posted.  But all is very well today.  With Love, Connie