January 26th, 2010:  A O F U  …or…After Oprah Fuck Up

Yesterday evening I checked my email prior to writing my very perky, no doubt, blog.  It was there I discovered I had been given 4 tickets to attend a taping of the Oprah Show only to look at the next email from obviously my good friend, Oprah, to learn that I no longer had tickets because I didn’t confirm within the deadline.

I think they are running a sweatshop at Harpo keeping people chained to their desks 24/7 because I was not expecting to hear from them until at least today but they responded to me Saturday afternoon.  C’mon, where’s the Best Life in working on weekends?  I truly had no idea the hive would be buzzing on Saturday.  And not only that but we were given 42 hours to respond or lose the tickets.  It’s the ticket Nazi’s.  I’m telling you.  I emailed them practically begging.   Okay, I really was begging them to reconsider, but after my heart felt outpouring this morning I got a form note back…”due to the large response”….blah, blah.  I had a flashback of my executive director days getting a rejection letter from a foundation.  “Due to the large response…”

This morning I woke up and immediately remembered that I SCREWED UP MY OPRAH TICKETS!  I felt crappy and my feet hadn’t hit the floor but, and this is a big but, I knew I could work myself out of feeling that way.  I was ready to let go.  I didn’t want to carry it any more.  So I got my focus wheel paper and began to draw and write the wheel.  If you don’t know about the focus wheel, look up my entry about the focus wheel so you can know what I’m doing if you want.  I began by stating with writing what I was actually feeling at the moment.  At 1 o’clock on the paper I write “I’m feeling like I fucked up the tickets and feel bad about it and am angry and frustrated.”  Then in my circle in the middle I wrote the opposite idea/feelings of what I wanted to feel at the end of the exercise and I wrote, “I know the Universe has my back and that I can create the feelings I want.  I’m feeling confident and know the future hold my heart’s desire…blah, blah.”  That’s pretty close.  Then I go back to 2 o’clock and write “I know that my loss of the tickets was not a personal one, that Harpo and Connie have very different points of view.  Then at 3 o’clock I write “I know my feelings can change quickly and as I write I’m already feeling a bit better” and so on and so on to 12 o’clock and feeling good again matching the feelings I wrote in the middle of the circle.  It’s a way to inch your way up the emotional scale.

What was amazing about this whole episode is that I realized that my feeling crappy the night before felt totally off and wrong for me.  I didn’t revert to that old worn overcoat of self loathing that was so familiar in a suckie sort of way.  It just felt wrong and “not me”.  Realizing that was big!  For the first time in my life, literally, feeling good is becoming a set point, a normal, and not feeling really good just wasn’t me any more. 

And learning that was well worth my Oprah tickets!

With Love, Connie

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