January 7, 2010

Therapists say the scariest things.  Two days ago mine said, “Do you know how talented you are?”  Without hesitation I said in a rather low voice, “No.”  This has had me thinking like a stick that just keeps poking at my brains.  Poke.  Poke.  Poke.

Why should that be so unsettling?  I’m feeling better.  I’m doing some work which will be posted on this site in a couple of months.   I’m able to visualize a future doing something I like.  It’s not like I believe I’m a loser and have just cheated the system all these years.

Actually I believe most of us have difficulty really owning our talents and if we do own them we sure don’t talk about them.  God, how arrogant.  Women, especially,  have difficulty owning their strength and personal gifts.  Women identify themselves through their relationships and their connection to others while men self identify through their work.  And the truth is women fear that if they own their strengths and put themselves out there, that they will be abandoned.

And there is some clear truth to this.  Marriages are more likely to fail if the woman makes more money than her husband.   Women in public office are in the spotlight not just for what they say but how they wear their hair.  Historically millions of women have been killed for even the suspicion of witchery or some kind of power.

I have said this before but most of us are drawn away from our core selves at a young age in order to first please our parents, then our teachers, our friends, our mates.

So when I contemplate really finding my soul’s desire and participating in the world hitting on all 6 which will surely involve owning my talents, I can also feel fear in my belly at times.  Then I need to remind myself that I am at the controls and trust that the future will unfold for me as I become ready.  

And I remind myself continually that I’m not alone.  I have my village walking with me.

With Love, Connie

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