I had the best Thanksgiving dinner in memory.  Maybe it was because I was so hungry and have not been preparing lavish meals for myself.  Anyway, this Thanksgiving dinner was brought to us by Whole Foods and they did a great job.

I’m so appreciative of our little family…my separated good friend husband, our daughter, and two cats and two dogs.  The pack.

Thanksgiving has always been at the top of the list of holidays.  For years I cooked Thanksgiving dinner until I moved out of the house and it became a bit awkward with the in-laws.  This year is my first year without my work community in my background, waiting for me to return on Monday and I feel that loss sharply.

When people experience and death and dred the holidays I never got it until now.   Dred is perhaps too big a word but the holidays do not pack the fun and smiles of years past.  My community is gone.  The place where I feel like I belonged is gone, literally gone.  Even the deaths of my parents did not hit me like this.  Perhaps because my parents did not represent community for me.  My family of origin did not have that cozy sense of belonging that I needed.  So I created my community at Horizons.   It nurtured and supported all of us.  I didn’t realize how much of me was tied up there until it was no longer available.  I’m so thankful for all that it gave me and I will find community again.

Plus at this post Thanksgiving I’m in Twilight withdrawal.  This week I finished the last of the four volumes and I”m in mourning for my Twilight people.  I can go see New Moon but it’s not the same as curling up in bed everyday with the next installment.  I think what was so wonderful about that experience for me was the sense of possibility that was created, the sense of love and living in harmony.  And, of course, for me the creation of an amazing community that went against all sense of “what is”.   It adds a whole new dimension to diversity that I dig. 

So I look for the positive in the holidays, something to hang onto, and allow myself to mourn the loss of my communities.  Make new communities but keep the old…

With Love,     Connie

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