Vision Keeping

November 7th , 2010:  Taking the Bounce…again

Despite my entry this morning this was one of the most challening in recent weeks.  To get a visual I was sitting in a strip mall parking lot after having had lunch with a friend ( which was good) and I was afraid to go home to be with myself and had nothing else to do so the only thing I could do for awhile was to sit with the motor running and the dog in my lap and just let the tears fall.  It was comforting.

As evening came on and nothing was changing except the amount of light outside I took another run on shifting my energy.  As I was doing some writing it came to me…the greater part of me is Source energy.  When I am feeling negative energy it means that the physical part of me has become separated from the Source part of me.  In other words I’m out of alignment with me.  My two energy sources are not in sync. 

I also remembered that not only was I out of alignment, what was more important was that the Source energy part of me was already where I wanted to be and I just had not caught up with myself.  That made so much sense since I had had so much going on lately.  I had not kept up with me energetically,.,so…I took the bounce. 

I had the image of a trampoline and jumping in the air and feeling free and stretching into the self that I know that most of me had become but my physical self was lagging behind.  I took the bounce.  I’ve done this before but this time I really had to take the leap more than a bounce and I breathed and lept! 

WOW!  Do I feel better.  It’s called closing the gap.  When I felt myself coming back into alignment the feeling was and is just amazing.  I was affirmed that I can take the bounce and how powerful it is.  And the knowing too that I can shape my feelings is wonderful as well.  I may have t do that more as I find myself moving faster in the world now.

Blessings to all, Connie

November 7, 2010:  Manifesting and Vulnerable

It appears odd it me that now that my life is moving in a way that I had envisioned and Ihad held that vision for a year now or more really that I am waking weepy and fearful many days…like this one…Maybe there is something spooky in the energy because we are fucking with the time and have decided to move it back an hour.  How dare we!

That, of course goes against what I truly believe.  So I decided to plug in to you.  And I have gotten some really nice comments.  I am probably naive and think that this is a really sweet comment when it is really someone hacking into my system and depositing all kinds of viral material…but that, too, goes against my beliefs and even if that were so I’ll take the nice comment.  It feels good and that’s all the confirmation I need.

So at a time when my life is moving I feel like a deer in the headlights.  I see a potential dream beginning to sprout wings and I’m feeling so vulneralbe at times.  Now I must remember my words and words are powerful.  I’m not feeling vulnerable all the time but I guess when I begin to feel good so much of the time that NOT feeling good becomes so much worse.  And I guess that in itself is a major accomplishment.

This is the person who used to put one foot in front of the other to get through my days and fear for my sanity and just tough it out most of the time now speaking about how awful it is to not feel good.  Thinking about that I guess I have progressed quite a bit.  I HATE feeling crappy.  It’s no longer acceptable.  It’s just not who I am.  Writing these words is affirming. 

I got a glimpse I’d say of the hem of Source… or perhaps it was a thread of the hem of Source or God or whatever you wish.  But it was a different sort of glimpse of anything I’d had before.  This was a soothing light that was pure unconditional love.  And I know that because of how it felt.  I was meditating and I found this place of soft light…not this powerful light that you can’t look at but this soft sideways light.  Now I know that sounds strange but that’s the best I can do…I can picture it coming at me sort of sideways.  Perhaps that is to indicate the peacefulness and the humility of it.  Not a head on announcement but a quiet, unassuming sort of passing hello.

How it felt…lord how it felt was the most loving, achingly loving, totally accepting kind of love that was piercingly beautiful and I felt humble in the presence and knowing this was far bigger than anything I could possibly imagine and more loving that I could ever experience until I make my transition back to non physical being.

I hadn’t intended to write about this but I obviously needed it.  As I walk into greater manifestation of my dreams I must remember that I cannot get it wrong.  I am cocreating with the eternal.  I AM eternal energy and all I need do is to lean in the direction of feeling good and use my tears as guidance to let me know that the Source within me is NOT seeing the situation as I am seeing it but is that total loving presence that is with me as well.

Happy Daylight Savings and Peace.  With Love, Connie

October 24th,m 2010:  Waiting for…?

I’m taking waiting to a whole new level of being.  Waiting used to be a kind of biding my time.  Sometimes spinning my wheels.  Sometimes it feels like dead time and/or wasting time.  But waiting has always meant some kind of piddling away something prescious…time, money, resources, health…whatever.  Waiting doesn’t seem to have a good energy to it and also involves a rather impotent position, doesn’t it?

In the world according to Abraham (see side panel) reality as most seem to see it is what we see, taste, feel and smell.  Reality is, is, is,….so, so…REAL.  But not so say our friends Abraham.  We are vibrational beings and science has proven that the smallest particle of matter is thought.  Louise Hay, (see side panel) has always said, “change your thoughts, change your life.”  Thoughts, then, always precede manifestation.  Everything around us has been thought upon first.

SO, if everything that we see around us has come to us through thought then our thoughts about what we want are the real time reality and the manifested reality we see around us is actually past tense….isn’t that just a kicker!

Abraham also talks about “feeling forward.”  I love this concept.  I think about what it is that I’m wanting and I’m wanting a lot.  I want stuff, I want financial resources, I want satisfaction in doing for others, I want travel, and on and on.  So, all of these thoughts exist in a pre-manifestational Vortex as Abraham prefers to call it and we all have our own such Vortices.  The best thing we can do for ourselves is to match the vibration of what is in our Vortex.  So I think of what it will feel like to have the things I want for myself and how it will feel to have them.  And that does feel great!  In fact the more sure of myself I become and with the manifestation that has occurred so far I feel or rather I KNOW that what I want will manifest and I then “feel forward” to what is coming.  I feel “as if” I have everything I want. 

The Law of Attraction says That which is Like Unto Itself is Drawn.  And so if I can get my vibrational/emotional speed up to what it feels like to have what I’m wanting consistently then it MUST come.  Ask and it is given.  That is Universal Law as well.

So back to waiting…I feel “as if” and it feels really really good and then I take the ride of experiencing how the manifestation will play out.  When will it come, who will bring it, what will it look like?  That is where I’m taking the concept of waiting, elevating it to the stream of allowing life to unfold.  In fact, in that sense, waiting IS life.  We didn’t come to get it done.  We came to go on the journey, watch the movie, read the book, take a ride on the river, and enjoy the ride.  

So, waiting at its best is life itself.  That’s where I am these days and it can feel amazingly freeing and the best ride ever.

With love, Connie

October 11, 2010:  A plane going 500 mph….

Before I get to the plane I just want to say that I went through the comments to this blog.  For those of you who are enjoying this I thank you.  It really feels good to know that I’m actually giving someone something…and then I’ve gotten tons of xanax and oxycontin spam…I mean on and on and on!  At first I wondered what about me was attracting this?  You know the Law of Attraction…that which is like unto itself is drawn.  (See side panel with Jerry and Esther Hicks.)  Perhaps it’s my  active wish all  of the time to feel good.  But I can do that on my own.

I have been home from my big adventure…Connie’s Big Adventure…for over a week now and I’m doing very well now.  Arriving home was really a bumpy ride and then I remembered one of Abraham’s (see side panel) favorite metaphors.  They say that traveling at 500 miles per hour in a jet plane at 30,000 feet can be an exhilarating ride…minus any turbulence.  I love it myself.  It’s peaceful and I feel sometimes very close to the Source of us all.

Then, if you take that same airplane and put it on the ground at 500 mph it’s going to be not so pleasant to say the least.  I realized that when I came home I was vibrating at a much different level in comparison to when I left home.  I had had lots of stimulation, interesting, amazing things to see, people to meet, stuff to do.  I was hummin’.  I really did feel myself vibrating at a high level…just going fast inside.  And on top of that we change every day.  We are literally not the same person from day to day.  We are vibrational beings and respond daily to what is around us and morph and change minute by minute. 

So, I come home 25 days a different person and on top of that am vibrating much faster that I was and…..BAM….the plane hits bumpy ground and I’m feeling exhausted, and a bit queasy besides, totally out of my orbit.  I felt like the self I came home with just didn’t belong in the loft that I had left.

Now I must say that this has happened to me every time I’ve gone on a major trip.  I have a crash landing of sorts and it takes me a few days to feel right again.  I’ve a vibrationally sensitive person and most people can identify with this in some way.  Coming home can be a downer to some extent.

But add to that that I’ve been growing like crazy this past year since I began writing here.  I’m mush more tuned in, tapped in, turned on as Abraham says and, given that, when there was a change in my flight pattern and I landed back at the Mother Ship I was really shown how much I had changed…how vibrationally sensitive I am, even more that before and I need to take that seriously.

In hind sight I don’t know what I could have done to prepare.  I suppose the biggest thing is to just know this about myself and be extra forgiving when I arrive back from traveling and give myself plenty of room to readjust and cut out the negative self talk!  Jesus, I can be hard on myself in an ugly way.  I can hear myself say,”what’s wrong with you, why are you not doing well,”  blah, blah.  Just back off, Connie, and give your vibrating self a break!

Thanks again for all of your positive comments!  It has given me a second wind to keep up with this.  I had felt like of like I was slakking but I was tired as well.  Some cool things may be beginning to pop this week.  Will keep you posted! 

With Love, Connie

September 30, 2010:  Got Fame?

Iowa City, anyone?  I’m here and on my way home today.  It feels exhilarating after being gone for over three weeks on my own outback quest and now returning with new skin.

I wanted to share something with you.  The other night I happened to catch a documentary on HBO.  In it Adreinne (sp), the wonderful Vince on Entourage, was doing a story on this young paparazzi, 14 year old Austin.  And as the story developed, Austin even began being pursued by the paparazzi and was becoming famous and so Adrienne began discussing fame.  Many people want to be famous or pursue someone famous to get a piece of it.

It was a very good piece and I thought of the need for people to touch fame.  The big ah-ah for me came when Adrienne was discussing fame with a professor and the idea was presented that people have a basic desire to be acknowledged.  And it appears to me that as our society becomes more and more disconnected that this desire to become acknowledged is heightened.

When I was much younger I remember hearing from somewhere that to be human is to have an emptiness, a hole which can never be filled, and that is just the way it is.

I am very happy to announce that as I Know that I am Source Energy (see my side panels on Jerry and Esther Hicks) and have learned to feel better and better through meditation and through many of the things I have discussed here that I have securely anchored to that Source Energy within me and I do not have that hole within anymore.  I feel whole.  I am whole.  Source and I are the same…that is true for all of us.  I’m not religious but I’m a fan of Jesus.  He said “The kingdom of God is within”.  He’s on to something there.  Well the guy did study in India for a lot of years.

One of my intentions on this trip was to get more in touch with my own Source…and I did that.  I feel completely acknowledged by my Source and the idea of chasing after someone “famous” seems rather odd.  Well, it always did but now I really get the need but I also get why I don’t feel the need.  I feel acknowledged, deeply acknowledged.

Now if Adrienne were in the lobby of the Country Inn where I’m staying I might want to saunter on down and tell him I loved his documentary and he really is cute!

I can’t wait to see my bff wonder dog.  I mess him the most….with love, Connie

September 21, 2010:  Building Spiritual Muscle

Traveling alone and tenting in the great outdoors is a great way to build spiritual muscle…like feeling more confident that I can use negative emotions to practice being able to focus and turn them around to feeling connected to my Source in a way that feels good..i.e., joy.

Traveling is a potential hot bed of disappointment, frustration, apprehension, doubt, whatever your weak links traveling alone and tent camping brings them to the surface.  I haven’t stayed there long but I’ve had those moments.  I known I have helped myself a great deal by listening to and trusting my inner guidance.  That always is there.  Like “I don’t think I’ll make it to the Grand Canyon after all.  I spent more time in Wyoming than I had planned and I’m longing for trees and water.  Red/orange rock and no trees and more heat doesn’t feel that cozy now.”  And, coming out of the mountains on HY 139 to I70 I took a right to Grand Junction rather than a left to Moab, UT.  I feel a need to stop and collect myself rather than push and I do mean “push” into canyon country.

Now, having made that decision based on a feeling of guidance I’m planning to go to Grand Mesa National Forest and that feels just right to wind up this odyssey.  Even though I’d thought of seeing the Grand Canyon for months I just wasn’t feeling it now and decided, once again, that feeling good is the most important thing I can do for myself and when I act on what feels good, more good comes to me. I’m holed up in a wonderful hotel for two days, eating great food and talking to extremely helpful people.  That’s what it’s all about.  I’d rather feel good than see the Grand Canyon just now.

Spiritual muscle building also occurred at Sheeps Creek , Utah camping at Flaming Gorge.  I was tenting right beside Sheeps Creek where the salmon were running and it was a great experience just to sit and watch this amazing act of nature.  But then I had a feeling of lonliness for the first time on the trip, homesick but not for home…just feeling a bit isolated.  It was Sunday night and I was the only one in this campground and I wasn’t feeling all that great until I figured out that this was the first time I’d really been alone, alone.

So, I began to work with this to turn the feelings around and reconnect with Source.  All negative emotions are is an indicator that the physical me and the Source/energetic me are pinched off a bit.  So it’s not really about the being there alone but about my Source me not looking at the situation the same way the physical me is looking at the same situation.  This split results in a feeling of apprension for me.  Until….I remember what I just said.  It’s not really anything to be afraid of because it’s only a pinching off from Source and then I relaxed and know All Is Well and felt the connection again.  I had a great nights sleep and woke up still the only one in the camp ground.  I had briefly pondered getting my knife out and putting it beside the bed but then I figured that that would fuel my negative side so better not.

Being able to turn that particular situation around from feeling alone and isolated to cozy with Source really helped me feel that I had some muscle developing and I liked that a lot.

Tomorrow I’m off to Grand Mesa National Park for three days….or maybe four to wind up this amazing trip and begin heading homeward.

With Love from Grand Junction, CO, Connie

September 16th, 2010:  Horsethief Lake Lost

I found the perfect campsite.  I mean the campsite of my dreams.  Picture a small pristine lake nestled in the Black Hills.  It’s late in the season and I enter a loop of campsites and the first one is about 20 feet from the lake in this grove of pine trees that look so perfect as if they have been washed and scrubbed.  It was a sunny cool crisp afternoon.  I noticed that I was in a secluded cove to boot and was so excited about my good fortune that I was giddy, thanking Source for such wonderful guidance,blah, blah.  I’m gratefully unpacking and was about halfway done still giddy when the nice man in his truck comes to tell me that I must leave and that the park has closed.  WHAT???   I just stare at him in disbelief.  Have you ever had your care stolen and kept looking at the spot you left it in expecting it to materialize.

That’s what I did with this man…just kept looking at him because of course he was out of his mind nuts!  I begged him…sorry lady.  I said just make an exception.  No and if you don’t leave you’ll be locked in here til next spring!    Ha, Ha.  Fuck you mister!  So I had to put everything back into my car not believing yet it was true and not wanting to let go.  God Damn!  I was trying not to cry and as I left the campsite to drive to an obviously inferior one from the PERFECT ONE, I still could not let go.

But I got to the acceptable one, pitched camp on a lake…not as good but I had switched gears and feeling better.  Then when I went to do my evening meditation I just had something stuck in my craw and I could not make that Source connection which is always so wonderful.  So good, now I’ve lost the campsite and connection with Source too.  Wait a minute.

I know better.  I was trying too hard to feel something I just wasn’t feeling and when I let myself feel what I was truly feeling it was…..it was…it was….yes it was anger.  I was pissed off still and  by God I wanted to be pissed off.  It felt damn good to be pissed of and so I let myself be pissed off and pretty soon I was feeling so good at feeling pissed off that I began to just expand that feeling and that pissed off feeling expanded into power and now I was cookin’.  I loved that feeling of power and thought about how many times I have let it go because it wasn’t right blah, blah, and now allowed the feeling of power to fill me.  Anger is power at times and better than feeling victimized which WAS my feeling of choice.   I AM Source Energy after all and that is power!! 

Because I was feeling so good at having recovered a piece of me that felt so good I actually could be appreciative of the loss of my perfect campsite and bless the loss because look what I got?!  Much more that a campsite!

From Buffalo Wyoming the Journey continues with love, Connie

September 13th, 2010:  Road Trip Expansion

I’m in love with southeast South Dakota.  It took me three days of farting along to get here but DAMN!  After two nights in motels it was great to camp in the Badlands National Park.  I said to myself, this is BAD ASS land all right.  It’s very severe and amazingly beautiful.  I have continually asked for guidance and have gotten it without fail.  When I tried to set up my tent with the wind blowing it horizontal in my hands, Peter shows up to give me a hand.

Interior, SD down the road about 2 miles was a favorite…population 67 and they put on an amazing hog roast for $5 a plate.  I had to give them 10 because it was just too good.  The woman who works at the Cowboy Corner Gas Station in Interior is rare.  She works from 6a.m. to 9 p.m. every day but one and is the area therapist.  Every time I came in she was hugging someone and clearly was a fixture in Buffalo Grassland.

I can’t say enough about the Badlands.  I am not only a prairie woman by blood but I’m positive I was an Oglala Lakota in more that one past life.  It feels like home to me in this bad ass land.  In the gift shop at the park there was an original warrior head dress and as I touched it I had chills up and down my body.  I imagined me riding my pinto bareback, carrying my spear and chasing buffalo.  And I say about 20o buffalo in the park and got nearly eye to eye with them and they are big suckers.  Damn!

I am having a WONDERFUL time.  I’m using my inner Source as my guide as to where to go and how long to stay and am very comfortable with that.  I’m also consciously upping my energetic connection with Source.  If you can meditate without too much distraction I would recommend this resource.  When you get relaxed and have calmed the thoughts in your mind think of someone with whom you have no conflict at all and with whom you have a loving connection.  I used my bff dog, Dudie.  I think of him…and this is the deal…I think of his energy, what does he feel like to me, what is his personality feel like.  It may take a minute or two to fish around and let that energy come to you but you will recognize it when you feel it.  That’s Dudie! 

I recommend beginning with a pet if you have one because usually you have no issues to get in the way of allowing the loving energy to come through.

After you have this energy ramped up, and it should be feeling pretty good, now try to bring in someone you love.  I thought of my daughter, no ambivalence there, and noticed I had to expand my energy field and feel for her energy at a more expanded space but she came through and I knew I had gone to a higher vibration.

I realize this may sound really off the walls to someone who is not used to meditating and feeling energy but I’m putting it out there anyway.

After calling in the energy of a loved human, then try calling in your own Higher Self.  I found that this takes a still higher energy boost as you think of what it feels like to be you…what does your personality feel like?  And feel your way to that, allow that energy and then allow that feeling to expand.

Now this is pretty much graduate work in meditation and not for a beginner unless you are just a natural.  And the process takes 10 to 20 minutes because the mind wanders and it takes a while to allow yourself to turn down the volume on the reality around you so that you can get into a quiet space.

I’m loving this trip more that I can speak.  I’m in Keystone, SD right outside Mt. Rushmore and I plan to stay in the National Park here for two or three nights as I am guided.  Then on to Wyoming.  I decided that this will definitely not be my last road trip.  There is no better way to get close to yourself than this kind of adventure.

Sending you my love from “The Heads”,  Connie

September 6, 2010:  Raise your Expectations

We get what we expect.  You mean I wanted that cancer?  You mean I wanted that car accident?  You mean I wanted that abusive relationship?  What you get may not be something you have verbally asked for but everything always does match your vibrations.  I was t-boned in a motorcycle accident about 10 years ago.  I certainly didn’t want that accident.  But in my vibration I was expecting it because a friend of mine told me I was going to be in an accident and she’s one of those people who “knows” things.  Also I was dealing with a potential law suit at work and a very nasty employee nightmare.  I had people who thought I was a very bad person even though in my mind I had done nothing but have integrity.  I carried that very heavily.  I was a victim vibrationally in a very painful way.

Then, BAM.  I’m in intensive care and have the summer off to sit in the sun and read 4 volumes of Harry Potter.  A mixed bag and looking back I canb see how I attracted that situation. 

We always attract what is in our vibration somewhere.  Disease is that way as well.  If we do not keep up with who we have become vibrationally, eventually that strain of the split in our vibration will manifest as disease.  This society is so believing that our bodies must fail us as we age and we will invariably go into a decline and probably have to get sick before we die that most of us do.  We believe in disease and so it is.  We get what we expect.

As I enter a new chapter in my life I’m becoming more clear about my expectations and setting them high.  I refuse to set them low so I won’t be disappointed…what a recipe for disappointment.  I feel my soul’s calling in the works and you bet I’m going to allow “it” to unfold as it will with the expectation that what will manifest will be far more than what I could even imagine.  I expect amazing things and will get them.  I don’t know from whom, or when, or where or how but that is not important.  All I have to do, as Louise Hay (see side panel) always said, is what is in front of me.  That’s what she did and she has built a publishing empire and had fun doing it just by doing what was in front of her.

Tomorrow I’m leaving on a road trip and I won’t be back until my money runs out or my desire runs out, whichever comes first and I have a sense it will be the money.  I will probably be back the last week in September and I’m very excited.  I’m packing and heading west with my far off destination being the north rim of the Grand Canyon.  I have no intinerary or time table, just a 2010 Rand McNally Road Atlas and my camping gear.  I can camp or stay at motels, whichever calls me at the moment.

I’m taking my laptop and intend to continue to write while traveling as long as I have Verizon coverage.  This trip really feels like the beginning of my new life.  A big adventure to begin yet a bigger adventure.  When I return home the fun really begins.  And all will be revealed.  I fully expect it.

With love, Connie

August 30, 2010:  Confirmation

I passed a test I didn’t know I was taking.  Yesterday I returned from a 4 day women’s weekend.  I was one of the presenters of the weekend and a participant as well.  I took a chunk of time to teach the group how to use the focus wheel.  I know I explained the focus wheel in a previous entry and I just looked back to see if I could spot it but I couldn’t find it so I will just have to explain it again but not today.

I use the focus wheel which is a process I got from Abraham (see side panel) to raise my energy level.  When I’m not feeling good it is an excellent way to get back on track.  Well, I taught it to the group and it was really an amazing experience for me.  Everyone was so interested mainly because we did some wheels in the group and they worked!   I asked people to bring up a situation, relationship, that causes them frustration, irritation or some level of negative feelings.

It was great to experience the energy shift in the individual while being in the group.  We had fun and several people wanted to work with me individually and that was great too.  It feels so good for me to be able to help someone actually experience the energy shift and feel much better in a short time.

It was confirmation that where I’m going with this in the fall is indeed something I am called to do.  I will speak more about what that is as it develops over the next weeks.  I want to work with individuals and help them feel better.  Period.

I also could hold to my high energy level in the group.  Of course this is a very positive group but I haven’t really had a road test of holding my own new found vibration with a group of people over several days.  In two particular situations it meant saying “no” to things the group leader wanted me to do.  Now that was a test!  The audacity of me saying “I ain’t doin’ it” and the best part was feeling quite okay about it.  No hand wringing, self doubt, whatever.  I felt very clear about what I needed and could state it without having to defend it.  That felt wonderful and very freeing.

There were a couple of people in the group who had been with me two years ago in the same retreat and they commented on how happy I seemed and much different from their experience of me prior to this.  So all this work shows as well.  I was not surprised but it was good to get the feed back.

So, all of this fed my soul and gave me some green lights about where I had thought about going this fall.  I look back to even when I began this website and the shift I have made is enormous…yet not difficult.  It just takes practice, that’s all.

As my new path takes shape I will keep you posted.  That’s what my intention has been all along…to tell the story of how the next chapter of my life emerges as I believed it would. 

With Love, Connie