November 19th, 2009:  Rethinking Vulnerability

 I woke up again this morning with the usual anxiety followed by the usual tears.  This has been going on for several mornings – just feeling ragged.  The day just feels so immense and out in front of me and I have no immediate distractions.  This is the one time of my life when the thought of my 24 year old daughter getting knocked up just doesn’t sound that bad.  That may be just what I need!  But I probably should not even toy with those thoughts!

 

I make phone calls to friends or appointments that are necessary.  But most importantly I journal and listen to music.  That gets me to focus and I believe that when I’m quiet my Inner Self, Source, Guidance, God, can speak to me.

 

In my groggy morning state of tears and through a void can come some amazing insights or ah-ha moments as Oprah would say.  I’ve actually had some of my most profound revelations in the shower.  But that was when I had to get up to go to work.  Now I get up, make coffee and go back to be with my tears, my journal and my Dudie, the Wonder Dog.

 

While I’m writing I have a separate piece of paper upon which I write my intentions of the day.  I got this daily calendar from the Abraham-Hicks web site.  (It’s a great site:  www.abraham-hicks.com.)  For awhile I would write GUIDANCE PLEASE over and over.  I and would get it – in a thought, on a CD, on the radio, in the car, in a telephone call.  But it does come.

 

I’ve been feeling so vulnerable and raw emotionally.  I can feel overwhelmed with the thought of having to make a couple of phone calls or needing to check my email and then knowing I’m having trouble with my computer and where am I going to get it fixed and then I’m flattened for sure.

 

Because feeling vulnerable doesn’t feel especially good I realized I was thinking that it was a “not good” feeling and one that I should just get past somehow.  So then, without knowing it I was basically trashing myself for feeling vulnerable and judging the crying, etc., as a we-better-get-past-this kind of thing.

 

Because I create my own reality,  how I think about my vulnerability is important. So  I decided today to reframe it and see if I can find a more positive take on it.

 

When I did, I immediately felt a shift internally and somewhere from within came the knowing that this vulnerability is an act of surrender and one of strength and courage.  My vulnerability is me standing naked and saying, “Here I am, world.”   All I can say is that I know this to be true and I trust it and so I can see this piece of me with more loving, less critical eyes.

 

As if the Universe were affirming this conclusion of mine, I turned on one of my Abraham CD’s (Law of Attraction teachers at www.abraham-hicks.com) and Abraham promptly said that we don’t need a return to the innocence of childhood but rather than a moving forward to innocence.  I know that my vulnerability contains my innocence as well.  It was my ah-ha for the day.

 

 

With Love, Connie